While some may say Hathaway’s performance was brilliant, we’ll just reserve that opinion for mindless God worshipers who do not understand the true art of theatre.

Hathaway broke two commandments in reference to theatre. Wait, “commandments” is a religious term. No, I mean she broke two sins.

First off, the performance was completely free of charge on a first come, first served basis. Everyone knows you need to fork over $60 a piece to enjoy the last remaining art.

Secondly, Hathaway was so nice that she bought pizza and treated fans who waited outside in the line for tickets the next day.

What? Pizza? Are you serious? You’re so naive, Anne Hathaway. Because we all know that if there is one group in society that absolutely hates pizza, it’s people who attend theatre.

I haven’t seen such a snob fest since last week’s farmer market.

Theatre crowds like organic meats and veggie sandwiches that run $9 a pop.

But pizza? How can one drop down and conform to such a greasy stoner snack?

Apparently, Alec Baldwin did not agree with my criticism of Hathaway’s performance, both off and on stage. Baldwin blogged, “she seems to do nearly everything right, whether it be on screen and now on the stage.”

Oh by the way, Anne, could you order a pizza for delivery?

Actually white people love Saturday Night Live. They watch it all the time. They just won’t admit.

Saturday Night Live is a comfort to white people. The sketch-comedy show has hardly changed since it debuted on NBC on October 11th, 1975. After 33 years and 640 shows, SNL is still airing at same time, on the same night, using the same format and some of the same jokes.

Sure the actors have changed, but that really doesn’t count since they all look alike anyway.

Saturday Night Live contains three things white people love (four if you count reruns with Will Ferrell). Those three things are: satire, parody and irony. White people like their derision delivered indirectly. Why be forthright with your opinions when you can just allude to them several times in a seven minute sketch starring Anne Hathaway.

However, Saturday Night Live is long past its prime. It’s bloated, inconsistent and antiquated. Its sketches are too long and laughs are too far apart. While it monitors pop culture, it has long ceased being relevant. It’s turned into the exact thing it was designed to ridicule.

That’s why white people love to say they hate Saturday Night Live. They have to in order to appear cool, hip and edgy. Admitting one watches SNL would be disastrous to one’s reputation. Not only that, but who wants to admit they’re home on a Saturday Night watching television?

So the next time a white person says they hate Saturday Night Live and don’t watch it, just give them a wink and say, “good night and have a pleasant tomorrow.”