Ellen DeGeneres Joins American Idol

Mayonaze — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 08:05:20 +0000

If President Obama’s snippy speech to a joint session of congress didn’t get you down, this next news item will certainly have you curled up in the fetal position sucking your thumb.

Fox announced that Ellen DeGeneres will be the fourth judge on American Idol filling the hole created by Paula Abdul’s departure.

DeGeneres will be joining current judges Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson and Kara DioGuardi for the show’s ninth season.

Even worse, the 51-year old DeGeneres will continue to host her daytime talk show. She’ll have “a day job and a night job.”

“The times we’re living in,” she quipped, “we’re all doing that.”

Yeah, my jobs at 7-11 and Applebee’s are exactly like hosting your own talk show and judging contestants on American Idol.

Now, I know what you’re saying, “It’s American Idol. Who Cares?” But some of us enjoy watching 12 “randomly” selected 20-somethings “compete” for the chance to release an album that will bomb quicker than Will Ferrel’s Land of The Lost.

American Idol is comfort television.

We especially enjoyed the show when one of the judges was a crazy, no-talent hack addicted to prescription drugs and wine coolers. But DeGeneres is cogent, lucid, and sober. What fun is that?

Also, she almost had a psychotic break when she was forced to return her terrier to the puppy mill back in aught-seven. What kind of soul-crushing waterworks is she going to unleash when Seacrest annouces that the token nerdy kid has to exstingish his torch at tribal council and leave the Big Brother house?

During the audition phase, America’s number one television program employed a number of guest judges: Victoria Beckham, Mary J. Blige, Joe Jonas, Neil Patrick Harris, Katy Perry and Shania Twain.

All of whom are 10-times more interesting than DeGeneres who is an obnoxious, irritating bore. And wouldn’t you rather look at Mary or Shania for an entire season than Ellen? Hell, I’d rather stare at N.P.H. than Ellen.

“Hopefully, I’m the people’s point of view because I’m just like you. [No you’re not]. I sit at home and I watch it, and I don’t have that technical … I’m not looking at it in a critical way from the producer’s mind. I’m looking at it as a person who is going to buy the music and is going to relate to that person.”

Hopefully she won’t torture us with her insipid dancing.

TWPH: Ellen Degeneres

Funny Gossip — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 08:00:59 +0000

Its not that she’s a lesbian, I mean white people don’t really like the gays because it messes up their ability to use family values as a scapegoat to rape you of your freedoms, plus whites usually give a pass to the female versions and reserve their hate mongering for the “wiener in the butt” specimens. Anyways, the reason we hate Ellen is that she is threatening an American institution in Oprah Winfrey with the blah blah blah all day on TV. Plus whats up with all the dancing around like an idiot. I mean if all it took to be famous was spastic contortions and little boy outfits, then hell, lets sign up Bert the tweaker bum pedofile in the alley down the street, maybe he can host his own show too. Another problem we have with her is that she is “banging” Portia de Rossi which just ain’t right (I know I’d screw her straight, OH! Well probably not). Come on Ellen, give it up, you’re not funny, you can’t dance, and like Chappelle said, “Stay away from Oprah”!

Things People Hate » Ellen Degeneres

Ellen DeGeneres Joins American Idol

TWPH: Ellen Degeneres