Friday Night Lights

That is, at least, if you inquire to Esquire.

The 30 year-old actress is best known for portraying Lyla Garrity from 2006 to 2009 on the popular television version of Friday Night Lights. However, she now guest stars in the NBC primetime series Parenthood.

Career aside, Kelly has also attracted quite the celebrity list, including known relationships with Alex Galvin, Dylan Brazil, Chris Evans, Donald Faison and John Mayer. Unfortunately, fellas, she is also currently dating and reportedly “happy” with New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter.

We know, that Jeter bastard gets everything!

Recently, for example, she ventured out into the rain to handle some much needed shopping. Hilton, who was spotted in West Hollywood, browsed around Book Soup and invested in some handy reading material. Hilton reportedly bought the book 29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life.

She tweeted about the experience later: Just bought a lot of great books at Bool Soup. I love reading. You can learn so much from a well written book.

Who knew Paris was soooo smart. Like, really.

Hilton, also decided to take a page out of her new book by helping spread the word about her sister’s jewelry making endeavors: RT – Hey everyone, check out my sister’s hot new jewelry. Nicky Hilton jewelry Available Now!

Cue single tear.

…Because life is only one RT away from helping another!

You see, we once really loved Lindsay Lohan to death. She was that cute, innocent, charming freckled girl who made everyone smile and feel better about their lives. I think she even discovered the cure to cancer once. Then, she became this vicious, self-loathing, crack snorting, booze whoring young woman and the general public hated her guts.

It’s a love or death relationship.

People these days act like the mistakes Lindsay Lohan hurt them in some way. Like a sharp piercing pain. It seems like they cannot get enough of this drug that is Lohan. So the coverage continues and continues and continues.

Like the 48 hours (or so) we just witnessed:

Friday

It is reported, via her Twitter page, that Lindsay Lohan has failed a drug test and consequently violated her probation. Nothing like direct-from-the-source coverage. Sources (not Lohan this time) also report that Lohan was drinking and laughing when she made the tweets. Furthermore, two friends apparently “coached” her on the correct words to use.

-10 points scored to Lindsay Lohan for violating her probation, +11 points for announcing it via Twitter. You’re cool, dude.

Later Friday

Public backlash ensues. Anger erupts. Some serious “hater-aide” is dealt for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

-12 points scored to Lindsay Lohan for being so stupid. -22 points scored to America for getting so upset over Lindsay Lohan.

Next Friday (no, not the movie)

Lindsay Lohan is sent back to jail and denied bail. Celebrities are notorious for getting away with murder so we predict that she’ll be out in three days. Which stuns us when…

-15 points scored to TPH for being surprised.

…Less than 14 Hours Later

Lohan is released from jail. Seriously? Ten f**king hours!? I’ve done detention sentences in the fourth grade longer than that!

-200 points to the American justice system.

“The Foreseeable Future”

We wait for round two. Lindsay is due back in court October 22nd. Until then, she must wear a monitor bracelet and “avoid places with alcohol.” Which is everywhere, except, what? Utah?

The boys…and girls from the new season of Dancing with the Stars had a chance to show their finesse on the dance floor for the first time but did not quite exactly give it a 110%.

So, for at least one popular DWTS contestant, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, Monday night’s poor performance was linked to one plausible excuse – lack of practice.

We couldn’t agree more. It does take time to nurture such a wonderful talent. So, TPH figured the least we could do is give the new cast members a rousing pep talk:

Obviously, the final score is the only statistic that matters but rest easy guys, you win as a team, you lose as a team. It’s been a tale of two halves and the second half is the only half that really matters. Turnovers will be key…watch those poor handoffs. Take what the defense gives you. It’s going to be a war out there and I really believe in you guys. The season is a marathon, not a sprint. Leave everything on the field! And remember, you do not play these games on paper…

Don’t call it a comeback but Courtney Love emerged from a red carpet premiere last night in NYC with an improved reassembled body and face. We’ve never been one for rocker chics, but dare we say Courtney Love actually looked good for once?

If you like rocker chics that looks like doll-faced Barbie’s that is…

Even though her jugs are loaded with silicon and whatever else they put in massive implants these days, Heidi wanted to make it clear that she does in fact support breast cancer. We know, her manufactured boobies will never get it but at least she takes an interest in helping others.

Highly ironic, yes, but Heidi’s recent stroll at the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer reminded us of why we love big, bouncy and plastic-y boobs in the first place.

They’re awesome.

In other news, Heidi’s ex-husband husband was busted in Costa Rica for allegedly transporting illegal, or as he calls it “hunting” weapons across international borders.

We’re trying to focus on the positives here…

For the low cost of $8,000 per month, you may enjoy the wonderful weather of Los Angeles, be within minutes of CBS’ lot (where they also happen to shoot Dancing with the Stars) and you can even hang out with Jersey Shore’s “The Situation.”

Yes, that’s right, the situation is right for The Palazzo and it’s no sweat off his back. Especially, considering, that DWTS will pick up the tab.

Life is not always fair.

Thanks to TMZ and WENN.

Everyone’s favorite fish dicks rapper is back to his usual zany antics. No, West actually restricted himself from rushing the VMA’s stage this year, but the boy genius did find a way to make a lasting impression.

We’re not talking about his VMA performance, which was as equally dull as Taylor Swift’s reported slam (was that seriously an attempt at revenge!?). We’re talking about Kanye’s restoration of his public image through Twitter, which at least one news source suggested is working.

First, there was that bizarre, WTF!?-esque “Twitter-mance” with 16 year-old Justin Bieber. Then, Kanye recently hit up Taylor Swift, informing the girl that he wrote a song for her and would love to see her sing it.

Sorry, Kanye, but in some states its illegal to request that kind of action. Is the teenage audience REALLY the only demographic you have left? Because last time I checked, anyone of average intelligence deemed you a serious idiot. Sure, you may produce “dope” beats and catchy tunes, but you’re honestly about as smart as a fifth grader (or Jeff Foxworthy for that matter). Did your career not end the second the President of the United States called you a jackass?

Look, we all do stupid things (“off record” of course). We even like stupid people.

…Just not Kanye West.

One day, Reggie Bush was the prodigy of the NFL. Fantasy owners even drafted the kid in the first round (remember those days!?). Now, Bush is just an average running back who never lived up to his potential and is destine to lose his most valuable award – the Heisman trophy.

Yahoo! Sports reports that Bush is expected to be stripped of the award as part of the ensuing NCAA investigation, violations and punishment for USC’s scandalous football program. If the rumors are true, Bush would be the first player in the 75-year history of the award to have the trophy taken away.

Two sources close to the Heisman trust said the body’s investigation is coming to a close, and will ultimately concur with the NCAA’s determination that Bush was ineligible during his Heisman-winning season in 2005. NOTE: It has also been reported that the athlete received cash, gifts and other impermissible benefits while playing for the Trojans.

The status of USC’s 2004 BCS National Title remains to be determined. BCS officials are awaiting the NCAA’s ruling on the Trojans’ appeal of the June finding.

Rihanna laced up the bikini and put on the SPF this week because the singer turned actress is in Hawaii to shoot her role for the new film Battleship.

We’ll admit, Hawaii is not a bad place to work and its especially not bad when RiRi is there in a bikini. The story also made news this week because Rihanna can be seen sporting some serious new ink. While the tats may not be permanent and rather for her role in the movie, we cannot help but stare.

…Now, if there was only something we could do about that hair.

Thanks to PacificCoastNewsOnline.com for the photo.