Things People Hate » Jessica Alba

Movie Quest: A Journey through Hollywood Mid-Year

ReynsGems — Mon, 19 Jul 2010 14:00:22 +0000

Halfway through 2010, we’ve seen Leonardo play with our minds, love finally not work, John Travolta as a kung-fu idiot, and a former adorable blonde clearly BOMBshell again.

Yet in the old days (such as 2007), the middle of July would have been far too early to start thinking about the Oscars. Back then, Hollywood loaded up its prestige fare in the fall so that it would stays fresh in the minds of Academy voters.

Last year, however, that all changed with four of the ten Best Picture nominees – include Hurt Locker – released in mid-summer.

Consequently, TPH decided to take a journey down the good, bad, and downright awful in the first half of 2010.

Leonardo DiCaprio

Leonardo is killing it. First, he did wonders with Shutter Island, another SCORE with Martin Scorsese followed by the recent release of Inception. The trailers may leave you more confused than philosophy from Flavor Flav, but you’ll have to admit that Inception looks incredibly cool. It’s the engaging storyline mixed with the special effects. And of course, it doesn’t hurt that Christopher Nolan is directing this piece either.

Toy Story 3

I’m 23 yet I enjoyed the third version of this fantastic series as much as I enjoyed the original some ten to fifteen years ago. How is it that Pixar can make movies that both kids and adults will enjoy? They did marvels with Toy Story 3 and might be the only studio in Hollywood that routinely produces hits consistently now.

Valentine’s Day

The only love this disaster showcased is the affection you have for deeply regretting you just spent $20 with your date (or your hand in other cases) to attend this dreadful piece of cinema. How can one mess up with a cast that included Julia Roberts, Jamie Foxx, Kathy Bates, Jessica Alba, and Patrick Dempsy? Trust us, it happened.

Sex and the Pity

Could somebody please make it all end? Haven’t we all seen enough of Sarah Jessica Parker. Apparently not. Just ask the thousands who flocked to see the women do Abu Dhabi, as if they haven’t slept with everyone including half of all Hollywood Executives by now. Please stop killing my brain cells! You’re truly worst than video games.

Oh, Jen

Seriously, has Jennifer Aniston been a part of anything worth watching since her role as Rachel in Friends ended in 2004? Jennifer has already provided us with one miserable film in 2010 (The Bounty Hunter) and sadly I don’t think that will be the last of her. Equally bad was fellow Jen Lopez in The Back-Up Plan more adequately titled, “The Absolutely Last Movie You Should Ever See.”

Is it possible…more good than bad for Hollywood in the first half of 2010? As far as the mainstream goes, it certainly appears to be heading in that direction.

Jessica Alba’s Vandalism Spree

Mayonaze — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 06:10:20 +0000

America has a new vandal and the police are hot to track her down, put her in cuffs and strip search her. Then again so is everyone else.

This vandal is none other than Jessica Alba.

Now before you start thinking about her in a torrid prison film, you have to hear what happened. Photos of her defacing property in Oklahoma City wound up on the net. Police somehow saw said photographs of Alba’s rampage (probably while looking for other types of Alba pictures) and quickly began an investigation.

Did this investigation involve the Oklahoma City CSI? Oklahoma City CSI: New York? NCIS? SVU? A wacky fake psychic, a mentalist, or even an anal retentive detective? No, the investigation involved calling her publicist.

The call wasn’t returned but Alba, who’s in Oklahoma City shooting a movie (why else would anyone be in Oklahoma City), did respond with a statement.

“I got involved in something I should have had no part of. I realize that I should have used better judgment, and I regret not thinking things through before I made a spontaneous and ill-advised decision to let myself get involved with the people behind this campaign. I sincerely apologize to the citizens of Oklahoma City… for my involvement in this incident.”

Alba was not arrested or charged with any crime.

First of all, if cops had pictures of you or me vandalizing Oklahoma City, we would have been arrested immediately. But sweet, lovable Alba is a Hollywood star so the cops just phone her people. Obviously, they felt using Twitter was little too aggressive.

Second of all, and this is where things really get interesting, Alba was vandalizing Oklahoma City by hanging poster aimed to raise awareness about the decline of great white sharks.

Now, I’m no geography expert but isn’t Oklahoma about 2000 miles from an ocean? Wouldn’t this type of vandalism play better in a coastal community like San Diego, Miami or Omaha?

I would hazard to guess that the average citizen of Oklahoma City sees maybe one or two sharks a year. And I bet when they do see a shark the last thing on their mind is killing it.

Was she hoping Oklahoma City residents would see the posters and say, “you know what, I need to stop the decline of great white sharks. My harpoon is going up on Ebay right now!”

And why vandalize Oklahoma City or any city for that matter. All Alba has to do is say to the people causing the extinction, “if you stop killing sharks I’ll stop making Fantastic Four movies.” Problem solved.

On the website where the pictures of Alba’s deadly spree were posted (they’ve since been removed), is the following statement:

“International pressure is the only way to do it and that starts in Oklahoma, the heartland of America.”

“International pressure starts in Oklahoma?” Most people in Oklahoma don’t even know what international pressure is much less how to start it. In one sentence they go from “International pressure” to “heartland of America.” Apparently foreign countries have been wasting their time by calling the White House, they just need to get a hold of Oklahoma City–the hub of international pressure.

This is very weird, even for a Hollywood. It’s an incident that surely has another layer to it. Hopefully we’ll learn the rest of story very soon.

When Super Hot Chicks Try to Make a Statement

ReynsGems — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 17:35:39 +0000

: Jessica Alba hates non-profits?

Jessica Alba, while incredibly gorgeous, is definitely not the sharpest tool in the shed.

When Hollywood tries to make a political statement they often end up doing more harm then good.

That is why many will ask, isn’t it about time Hollywood put down the microphone and podium and stuck to acting.

Unfortunately for Jessica Alba, acting is a little difficult too.

So that is why you hit the streets of Oklahoma City, yes that Oklahoma City, and deface public property to increase local awareness for great white sharks.

Uh, Jess, did anyone tell you those things kill people???

I mean they’re almost as bad as humans!

Alba defaced the landlocked state’s Shark Week memorbila, including a United Way poster and managed to capture it all on video.

Photos surfaced yesterday on TheLostOgle.com that feature Alba ripping some shark paper in Oklahoma City.

A rep for the non-profit organization told TMZ.com that although the United Way billboard was donated, they’ll probably have to pay out of their own pocket to replace it.

So let me get this straight…Alba supports great white shark rights but not non-profit organizations?

No charges have been filed as of yet.