Joaquin Phoenix & Reyns Gems – The White Rap

ReynsGems — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:10:36 +0000

I was disappointed to learn the other day that many of you do not know that I’m a well established (white) hip-hop artist, who sometimes uses his race to his advantage (see Eminem), and sometimes doesn’t (see Vanilla Ice).

Anyways, Joaquin Phoenix and I recently got out of the studio and I wanted to give you a taste of what’s to come…

The White Rap

Reyns: Yo, I’m Reyns Gems, I’m the one in the lens…the one you talk about with all of your friends

Joaquin: And I’m Joaquin, we do what we please…so get on your knees and cut us some cheese

Reyns: Cause I’m hungry and my rhymes straight lyrical

Joaquin: Empirical?, nah I sport my beard straight biblical

Reyns: Because he’s Joaquin and I’m Reyns Gems

Joaquin: And we rap and we like little men

Reyns: No we don’t, I think you’re stretching for a rhyme

Joaquin: You’re right Reyns, I sling words like they crimes

Reyns: On Late Night J, they said you acted like a mime

Joaquin: That’s fine, cause at least I’m not Ben Stein

Reyns: Ben Stein’s cool as least I’m not wanted by the po

Joaquin: Oh you talkin ’bout Lindsey Lo, oh yeah she’s a –

Reyns: You can’t say that on the radio like Jackie Mason

Joaquin: Those racist remarks for Barack Obama they based on

Reyns: And now Al Sharpton’s pissed so what’s new?

Joaquin: Nothing dude, us white rappers hated on like Jews

Reyns: Come on Joaquin let’s bid adieu…

Joaquin Phoenix as Moses

Celebrity Hater — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 20:22:37 +0000

Apparently stars that have all the money in the world and all the personal assistants that money can buy are still too busy to take care of their hygene. A prime example of this is Joaquin Phoenix, who in this photograph looks like he is either (a) prepping for the role of Moses in the upcoming hit “Jesus’ Homie From the Hood,” (b) trying to top the number of lice found in the great Bob Marley’s hair at death or (c) is protesting animal products used in Gillette shaving gel. Or it could be (d) the D’Bag is too lazy to shave and thinks his newfound face-fro is a trend-setting fashion statement waiting to happen. Joaquin sports the firery curly beard in this photo…..the caption just screams “I will die alone” doesn’t it? I mean, who could make out with this face even if they wanted to….it would be like crawling into a barb-wired fence face first.

Things People Hate » Joaquin Phoenix

Joaquin Phoenix & Reyns Gems – The White Rap

Joaquin Phoenix as Moses