Let me explain in detail.

Better Off Dead

Can we finally all reach an agreement that most controversial “has-beens” are better off dead. Let’s face it…five years ago no one cared about Michael Jackson. We had all finally reached a conclusion that Jacko was a strange, twisted little man who just wanted his peace and quiet.

The proposed upcoming tour was suppose to restore his image but instead we received a tainted, over blown portrayal from the media after his death. Jackson died, the explanation as to why became a circus, and then the media crowned him poster boy of ’09. Jackson was no longer this strange ‘white’ dude but now a pop sensation and a hero. Jackson was beloved again. Al Sharpton wanted to create a national holiday in his honor. Thousands attended his funeral and thus also made that a circus.

Now we’re suppose to believe that this film, an actual collection of just raw footage and material from his rehearsals is the final hurrah similar to Tom Hanks send off in “Saving Private Ryan”?

Get real.

Sadly, we all wrote Jackson off as a nutcase during his last few years on earth. Now that he is dead, it’s acceptable to like him again.

Dead Celebrities are Huge Money Makers

I was in Wal-Mart the other day and I saw a collection of Michael Jackson posters for sale in the kids department. Oh that makes sense! Let’s sell a poster with some strange looking dude to children because they see his face all over the media. Surely then will they appreciate his musical brilliance! I mean, I know for a fact they all grew up enjoying all his classics.

A lot of people have banked on Tupac Shakur’s death for years now, and if MJ’s paranoia for death was as great as Pac’s, I’m guessing dudes would pound out record after record of unreleased music for years in the future too. But you don’t need the music because there are t-shirts, posters, and bumper stickers dying to be sold.

I truly feel bad for the Jackson family, but I do believe (whether they comprehend it or not) are turning their son/brother into a marketing ploy while greedy businessmen laugh all the way to the bank.

The American Public Will Bite Anything You Feed Them

Now for the ultimate test. Imagine filmmakers trying to pitch an idea about a film showcasing Jackson’s incredible talent to studio executive’s five years ago. Do they take the bite? I don’t think so. Why? Because Hollywood will only purchase what they think will sell. Rock and Roll sells. Sex sells. Michael Jackson five years ago? Not a chance.

What about an uplifting story transforming Jackson’s sad spiral downhill to one of restored fame thanks to the hottest tour this year? You’re right! Robert Downing Jr. would be perfect!

Now Jackson is dead and the average American public “has to see this film.” Joe Jackson believes the film is “Oscar worthy.”

Maybe the film is really good? I don’t know because I haven’t seen it.

I do know I refuse to be the next sucker who flocks to a theater while others take advantage of emotions (and the average naiive American) just like they did after 9/11.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t support Jackson or feel remorse for what happened, but were you honestly a fan? Sure you liked a song or two, but five years ago would you have went to a movie that featured Michael Jackson?

While reflecting over the major events of the past summer three things come to our minds: an inordinate number of celebrity deaths, the heated town hall meetings over healthcare and the bad movies that made a lot of money at the box office.

TPH takes a look back at the summer of 2009. Despite the first section being labeled the “the summer of death,” we stayed away from tragic and horrible events like H1N1, Iranian election protests, deadly earthquakes and Al Franken being sworn in as a U.S. Senator. We decided to stick with more cheery subjects.

The summer of 2009 stretched from June 21 to Sept. 22.

The Summer Of Death
What most people will remember about the summer of ’09 is the death of Michael Jackson on June 25. Despite being a world class freak, Jackson was one of the greatest performers of all-time. His sudden death and the myriad of memorials that followed reminded us all just how good, and just how exploited, he really was.

The coroner ruled his death a homicide—he died from a combination of drugs in his system—and law enforcement officials are currently investigating.

The summer of 2009 will always associated with Jackson even though the questions surrounding his death may not be answered for years to come.

Besides the King of Pop, there were several over celebrity deaths this past summer: Ed McMahon (June 23), Farrah Fawcett (June 25), Billy Mays (June 28), Steve McNair (July 5), Walter Cronkite (July 18), The Taco Bell Chihuahua (July 23), John Hughes (Aug. 6), Eunice Kennedy Shriver (Aug. 11), Ted Kennedy (Aug. 5), and Adam Goldstein “DJ AM” (Aug. 28).

Cash For Clunkers
Officially known as Car Allowance Rebate System, Cash for Clunkers offered American citizens economic incentives to turn in their old jalopy for a new fuel efficient car. The program started on July 1 and ended Aug. 24.

Was it a success? If you judge it by the 690,114 dealer transactions then yes it was a success. If you judge it by the fact that taxpayers will have to pay for the $3 billion the government spent on the program then no.

Teachable Moment
On July 16, Harvard University Professor Henry Louis Gates, Jr. was arrested at his home by police investigating a 9-1-1 call about men trying to break into a house.

As the cop was doing his job, Gates broke out the “Why, because I’m a black man In America?” routine. Eventually Gates was arrested for disorderly conduct.

When President Obama heard of the incident he called it a “teachable moment.” The officer and the cop were invited to the White House for a beer with the President and Vice-President.

Town Hall Meetings and Tea Parties
When concerned Americans gathered at the various town hall meetings held around the country to question lawmakers on the proposed government takeover of healthcare, the media branded them as racist, crazy and on the fringe.

When Americans gathered at Tea Parties organized around the country to protest high taxes and big government, the media branded them as racist, crazy and on the fringe.

What we learned from these events is there are many Americans fed up with high taxes and big government. Sure, a few were a bit whacky, but for the most part they were honest Americans with honest gripes.

We also learned that if there’s one sign comparing President Obama to Hitler, the mainstream media will find it.

Track Gets A Bolt
He’s doing the impossible. He’s making us care about track and field in an off-Olympic year. Jamaica’s Usain Bolt shattered the 200m and 100m sprint records at the Berlin World Championships in August. Second-for-second, he’s the most exciting athlete in the world.

Oregon Rolls A Blount
The college football season opened Sept. 6 with a sloppy game between Boise State and the University of Oregon. After the game, Oregon running back LeGarrette Blount, who said earlier in the week the Ducks owed the Broncos an ass kicking, punched Boise State defensive end Byron Hout. ESPN’s cameras perfectly captured the moment. Blount was rightly suspended for the rest of the season but his throw-down gave college football fans something to talk about.

ACORN Falls & Takes The Mainstream Media With It
On Sept. 8 Hannah Giles and James O’Keefe released the first of five videos revealing employees of ACORN were more than willing to help a prostitute and a pimp get their business going. If that wasn’t bad enough, the ACORN employees also counseled the couple on trafficking underage girls from El Salvador.

Giles posed as the prostitute and O’Keefe played the part of the pimp.

Despite the undeniable evidence, the mainstream media ignored the story. There was a time when they would have jumped on a scandal like this and reported on it incessantly. Apparently those days have passed and so have the days of the MSM being relevant.

Rude Interruptions
First it was Joe Wilson shouting “You Lie” at President Obama during a joint session of congress (Sept. 9).

That weekend, Serena Williams threatened to shove a ball down a line judge’s throat at the U.S. Open (Sept. 12).

The following night, Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech at the MTV Video Music Awards (Sept. 13).

These incidents got the media and the blogosphere all lathered up and ready to extract a pound of flesh. Not to defend their churlish behavior, but the aforementioned outbursts were by far the most exciting moments of their respective events.

Beatles Infestation
For the umpteenth time in history, the Beatles dominated the summer. On Sept. 9, the band re-released its re-mastered catalog as well as video game, “The Beatles: Rock Band.” Both will introduce the Fab Four to a whole new audience.

While the Beatles were on everyone’s mind they weren’t the only thing that happened in the world of music this summer:

On Aug. 5, Aerosmith front man Steven Tyler fell off a stage during a concert in Sturgis. Tyler was hurt bad enough that the band had to cancel the rest of their tour.

On August 29, Noel Gallagher quit Oasis.

On Sept. 10, Phil Collins announced that due to a spinal injury he will never play drums again.

Good Box Office, Bad Movies
Hollywood may have set box office records this summer but their movies set back cinema hundreds of years.

Transformer 2: Revenge of the Fallen (released June 19) and G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra (released Aug. 5) took in pant loads of money but both were downright awful and insulting to our intelligence.

We left the theater asking who watches this stuff and then we realized we just did. No wonder Hollywood keeps churning out crap.

Conclusion
Did TPH miss something? Did TPH include something we shouldn’t have included? What will you remember about the summer of 2009?

Today the biggest lotto news may not entitle someone winning 1.2 million from the state jackpot. No, the biggest jackpot on this Monday, July 6, is what 8,000 or so lucky fans will win tickets to Michael Jackson’s funeral.

A lotto system for a funeral?

Please tell me this is one big hoax. Look it’s bad enough that a funeral is being held at a professional sports arena much less the fact that they’re actually treating it like a sports event.

“The Staples Center jackpot” was held over the weekend and winners are contacted today. If you’re not one of the lucky few, tickets will likely become impossible to get according to one report.

The memorial producer claims the actual memorial service will remain free of “bells and whistles.”

“Free of bells and whistles” despite its location and a lottery system to hand out tickets for the event? Yeah I really believe that.

This whole thing is turning into a circus despite claims that the service will be low-key and “not produced like a TV show.” Aside from the 20,000 or so who will get inside the arena, thousands more are expected to watch the funeral simulcast at the nearby Nokia Theater.

It’s one thing to pay respect to the pop king, but it’s another to make a mockery out of his funeral. Lotto tickets just to get inside the door? Come on now.

No word yet on whether or not MJ’s casket will be at the service. Reports say that the family is still working out whether that could be possible, and that there had been some family disputes on how to bring Jackson there, and whether it would be an open casket.

I’m from a really small town, a town that is so small that a city’s street department also had the duty of taking care of the town cemetery (imagine that).

I was able to enjoy the greatest  jobs and duties throughout my career as a summer help worker and among them was funeral clean up. I’m not really going to explain further.

Recent news in the Michael Jackson hoopla claimed the Jackson family will invest in a $25,000 solid bronze, 14-karat gold plated, custom casket.

25,000 DOLLARS!

You could feed an entire family for one year off that price tag! Instead it’s going to sit and rot in the ground.

It’s important to remain sympathetic during this tough time for the Jackson family, but you have to admit that $25,000 is insane for a glorified box.

Wasn’t this guy in horrible debt? I could find about 1,000,000 other ways you could use that money.

I understand some families want to give the loved one outstanding final treatment, but in my personal opinion expensive coffins are quite possibly the biggest waste of money around.

I just don’t get it.

Jackon’s casket, which was ordered last night from Batesville Casket Company is called a  Promethean and will feature a flame blue velvet interior and a hand-polished mirror finish.

This is the same casket used to bury the late singer, James Brown and is extremely rare. That’s what I call going out in style.

MJ’s doctor is taking a lot of heat from the media and the family and this story does not exactly help his case.

According to reports, an extremely dangerous drug called Propofol was found inside the residence. Propofol is used as a surgical anesthesia and as Rick James would say, “is a hell of a drug.”

I don’t need to tell you that a surgical anesthesia is powerful nor do I need to tell you that your average Joe off the street (even if he’s sold 49 million CD’s) should not be in possession of it.

As one source said, “There is no conceivable way this drug can be properly prescribed for home use.”

The drug can only be administered with an IV. If you study medicine you would know that Propofol burns and the drug Lidocaine is used to reduce the pain associated with the Propofol injection. As first reported, Lidocaine was found near Jackson’s body.

One of the major side-effects of Propofol is cardiac arrest if it’s taken in combination with narcotic painkillers, however, Propofol is so powerful it can stop someone’s heart on its own.

A registered nurse has stated that Jackson begged her for the drug Diprivan (brand name for Propofol) in order to fight insomnia. The nurse declined to supply it.

Sources told TMZ.com that the drug is so inappropriate and reckless for home use, if a doctor facilitated it for Jackson, he or she could be prosecuted for manslaughter.

Interesting…

Jackson’s death is nothing to smile about, but the money he’s making will go a long way towards paying off his debt.

The tragic sudden death of Michael Jackson along with Farrah Fawcett and super-salesman Billy Mays have created quite the bulk of celebrity headlines over the past few days. It’s not hurting someone’s pocket book either.

It’s no surprise that death sells especially when we’re talking about celebrities.

Take a look at Jacko’s first auction since the pop star passed away. Twenty-one pieces of Jackson memorabilia were up for sale and the numbers were staggering.

- Victory tour shirt: estimate $1000-1500… sold for 42k
- Jackson 5 signed album: estimate $400-600… sold for 27k
- Original painting of Mickey Mouse: estimate $1000-1500… sold for 20k
- Original drawing of a boy: estimate $1500-2000… sold for 16k
- Handwritten note to “Greg”: estimate $200-300… sold for 15k

South Korea is apparently selling Michael Jackson CD’s so fast that they cannot keep up with the burning and printing process.

OxiClean products are likely to see a spike in sales after the passing of Mays, however the only one who does not appear to be receiving a lot of attention over the past week is Fawcett.

And thank God. Fawcett and her family have suffered enough to stay away from the media circus. I’m not saying that Jackson and Mays friends and families are not suffering either, but thankfully the media is at least staying out of Fawcett’s business for the most part.

With all these major numbers some of you may ask which celeb needs to hit the deck next to rake in some serious cash?

Spencer Pratt anyone?

Oh wait, he’s not really a celebrity to begin with.

The Los Angeles Coroner’s Office completed his autopsy on Friday.

Michael Jackson’s body was released to his family Friday night.

However, the coroner isn’t expected to rule on Jackson’s cause of death until toxicology and other additional testing is completed. It will take approximately four to six weeks to get those tests back from the lab.

Four to six weeks? On NCIS it would takes minutes. On any CSI, even the crappy one in New York, it would take hours. In the Law and Order universe it would take about one day.

Even on The Closer, which is set in Los Angeles, Brenda Lee gets lab results back quicker than four to six weeks and her show is on basic cable.

I understand that television shows are slightly different than real life but four to six weeks to get lab results back is ridiculous (some media outlets are even reporting six to eight weeks). One could order the lab results from Amazon and get them sooner—and with free shipping.

He’s the most famous person in the world and it’s going to take a month to run lab tests? Jackson was able to get several billionaires to bail him out of debt but he can’t get one civil servant to work through lunch.

When Jackson was alive he could jump to the head of any line in the world. Now that he’s passed away, you mean to tell me that he can’t even take cuts in the queue to the centrifuge?

You might say that in the eyes of the law his death is no more important than the death of anyone else. I guarantee you the people ahead of Jackson didn’t record the first album I ever bought or introduced the moonwalk dance on Motown’s 25th anniversary show in 1983.

The entire world wants to know what happened to Michael. Run the damn tests already!

I would like to meet the lab tech that has the gall to keep MJ’s test at the back of the line. Then again, maybe she’s a Prince fan.

Family matters are not great in the Jackson household and they could get a lot worse before they get better.

Yesterday the Jackson’s met in Beverly Hills Hotel where Michael Jackson made it clear that he would not perform with Janet Jackson and the rest of the Jackson’s 5 next year.

Apparently Jackson’s manager signed a deal on his behalf to perform with his sister and brother at Cowboy Stadium in Arlington, Texas in 2010.

Part of the deal stipulated that Jackson could not sign any other concert deal for 18 months. He broke that when he signed up for a London tour which is scheduled to begin in July.

The company that organized the family concert, AllGood Entertainment arranged a meeting where the family could discuss the options with Jacko. Apparently father Joe tried to convince MJ that the family tour should go on but good ole Jacko wouldn’t budge. Why? According to reports, Jackson is upset that the concert will air on pay-per-view. He doesn’t like pay-per-view.

Now AllGoodEntertainment plans to sue Jackson and his family for the bailout.

How much money would you put on a bet that says Jackson ends up doing the show?