Get outta here!

Okay, so the news is old, like really old yet it was mistakingly republished this week by Perez Hilton as “breaking news”. Which brought us back to the good times, like when ICP was actually a popular relevant rap group that made music.

The controversy stems from a song Joseph Bruce and Joseph Utsler, more well known by their stage names Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope, released called ”Thy Unveiling” on their 2002 record that Hilton falsely reported as brand new.

Naturally we would never confuse Perez as an ICP fan so despite the poor reporting, he did get one thing right – Insane Clown Posse is as bad as a rap group then as they are now.

A sample of their lyrics from “Thy Unveiling”…

All secrets will now be told/
No more hidden messages/
…Truth is we follow GOD!!!/
We’ve always been behind him/
The carnival is GOD/
And may all juggalos find him/
We’re not sorry if we tricked you/

Furthermore, Jon Ronson ignited the conversation once again with an article earlier this week in The Guardian. Ronson’s hilarious personal time with the Juggalos while working on this piece is joker material.

A quick recap:

- In response to a scientist dissecting the lyrics to “Miracles,” Violent J defensively responds, “F**k you, man. Shut the f**k up”

- Violent J is quoted as saying that a giraffe is a “f**king miracle” and have been around for “hundreds of years”. To which his band mate, Shaggy rebuttals, “thousands”.

- According to ICP logic, you have the right to “hate” on your girlfriend’s mother when she’s home but you too want to have sexual relations with her daughter. Their response is to also “f**k” the mom. This, of course, is used as an analogy for science.

So, why, if Insane Clown Posse are really two Christian dudes with makeup and clown faces do they stand behind offensive lyrics?

“You have to speak their language,” Violent J responds in The Guardian interview. ”You have to interest them, gain their trust, talk to them and show you’re one of them. You’re a person from the street and you speak of your experiences. Then at the end you can tell them: God has helped me.”

God help us all.

Consequently, I was heavily alarmed when I found particular people take great joy in rating movies, joy that borderlines on obsession.

How do you define Netflix-rating obsession? 

Try over 50,000 movies.

The Atlantic reports that some people like Netflix — in fact, they like it a lot. So much to the point that they would rather waste hours rating films online than watching the actual flicks. According to the data, an “elite rater” is one who eclipses the 50,000 mark. Pathetic “Top 0.01%” and “Top 1%” raters critique a measly 20,000 and 5,000 movies respectively. By contrast, only 60 percent of Netflix users rate any movies at all, and the typical person only shells out 200 starred grades.

For those mathematically unstable, if you were to actually watch the 50,000+ films you rated, at a pace of one movie or TV show per day, it would take 136 years to observe all that footage.

“Elite Raters”, you’re not fooling anyone! Your brass tactics can only trick us for so long. May we recommend a little Original Sin, or anything else that has Angelina Jolie naked with an unrated label. Notice the emphasis on unrated!?

The boys…and girls from the new season of Dancing with the Stars had a chance to show their finesse on the dance floor for the first time but did not quite exactly give it a 110%.

So, for at least one popular DWTS contestant, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, Monday night’s poor performance was linked to one plausible excuse – lack of practice.

We couldn’t agree more. It does take time to nurture such a wonderful talent. So, TPH figured the least we could do is give the new cast members a rousing pep talk:

Obviously, the final score is the only statistic that matters but rest easy guys, you win as a team, you lose as a team. It’s been a tale of two halves and the second half is the only half that really matters. Turnovers will be key…watch those poor handoffs. Take what the defense gives you. It’s going to be a war out there and I really believe in you guys. The season is a marathon, not a sprint. Leave everything on the field! And remember, you do not play these games on paper…

The Back-Up Plan

You know it’s blockbuster bomb material when Jennifer Lopez is cast as one of the leads. No offense J-Lo, but we really cannot even cite one good movie you’ve ever been in…not EVEN one. It’s not like you haven’t had any chances either. Please, Hollywood, do us a favor and stop trying to promote the next Lopez romantic-comedy as “the one.” We’re tired…and ready to gouge our eyes out!

MacGruber

As one blogger accurately reported, “a sketch from SNL that spoofs MacGyver gets turned into a movie? MacGyver was on TV over 20 years ago. There is no way, no way, this is going to be able to stand up as an hour and a half feature…Can it?” He was right.

Grownups

Perhaps it was because of Adam Sandler that some people clearly hated Grownups. It wasn’t that bad, but we’ve come to the point where we could film Sandler sleeping in a chair for two hours and it would sell like crazy. Sandler and the gang (the most exciting aspect of the film) was great to see back together, however we’re getting a little tired of the whole “midlife crisis” gag. We get it, you hate your current life and want to make a joke about it. Ha-Ha

The Bounty Hunter

See Lopez. The Aniston (who shares the same first name btw) has been Hollywood disaster of late. Sure, it’s hard to crack on an actress who was once part of one of the most successful sitcoms of all-time but we’ve kept our peace for way too long. Jennifer Aniston is attracted to lame romantic comedies like Gerald Butler is to being lame when not showing his abs in 300.

Clash of the Titans

Clash of the Titans was yet another reminder of what appears to be a repeat trend in California – remakes and 3D. Hollywood attempted to attach both to Titans and both failed miserably. Like most remakes these days, Titans was awful and only did well because of the 3D label at the end of the line. Trust us, there will be a day when 3D is no longer the next big thing. It’s also not that uncommon. Hell, even the new Jackass is in 3D.

Cop Out

Kevin Smith was a sell out for Cop Out. The writer/director has had his moments, but Cop Out was not among them. For beginners, the dude was hired to direct another individual’s script. Mistake number one. Smith has never been praised for his visual style, so the decision was all the more odd. Were guessing he’ll stick to his own screenplay next time.

The Last Airbender

Hopefully The Last Airbender is The Last time we see such a weak attempt at filmmaking and for some…the last time we see M. Night Shyamalan altogether. There was a time when we (the American public) once loved his name and his movies. Once…like once upon a time. Come on Shyam’, we know you could do better. Waaay better!

Furry Vengeance

Family movies can be bad…really bad. However, I’m not sure anything can truly explain what happen while one soul was trapped for a couple of hours watching his horrid flick. Where does one begin? First, the equally baffling performance from Brendan Fraser. Than, the ridiculous story line and theme. It just keeps getting uglier.

The Last Song

The Last Song was admittedly one tune we could never enjoy and one LOUD kick in the face of reality for Disney Channel’s prodigy Miley Cyrus. Okay, she never had to stretch that much in Hannah Montana, but as one writer put it “ judging from her work in The Last Song, during which Cyrus flashes two moves — scrunching up her face and staring wistfully into the distance — she had either find a really good coach or seriously consider a career in daytime television.”

Sex in the City 2

Holy f**k! Why is Sarah Jessica Parker still getting work? Maybe she’s not that bad, but the Sex in the City act is clearly starting to get on our nerves. Case in point: The writers (whoever they be) are so running out of ideas that the biggest, get this — comedic payoff was to send the gang to the middle east and play off minutes of stereotypes. Hilarious.

Crack cocaine. Meth. Heroin. Porn. Sex.

a euphoric drug or substance bound to make you addicted for more.

…video games.

You might as well go ahead and add your XBOX 360 to the list of addictive substances, because a federal judge in Hawaii just basically put video games into the same category as hard drugs.

You see, just when lawsuits could not get anymore asinine, a resident from one of the most beautiful states in the nation is suing a computer-game manufacturer for negligence – allegations that claim the victim plaintiff grew addicted to an online game and that it consumed his life for years.

Craig Smallwood, the man clearly hooked to “the sticks”, claims he played the game Lineage II for over 20,000 hours during a six-year period from 2004 to 2009.

Note: For the math incompetent, it works out to a staggering 64 hours per week on average - and that’s assuming he played only 20,000 hours, not more, and that he played every single week of those six years.

Little wonder, then, that Smallwood claims the game left him “unable to function independently.” Among the other “emotional damages,” Smallwood adds that he suffered serious emotional distress, required intense therapy and would have never bought the game had he known it was so addictive.

Yeah, I only meant to do crack once too.

Lineage II is what the manufacture refers to as a “massive multiplayer online roleplaying game.” Thousands of players may use the same game-scape at the same time, thus interacting with one another.

The result is a gaming experience where no two sit-ins are the same and clearly something that you could easily spend 20,000 hours doing. In fact, its so good, I traded all my friends for an additional BONUS 5 hours and 10 secretly unhidden cheats.

Video games, because it’s a legit addiction too.

Southern rapper Birdman recently invested in a Bugatti Veyron, aka the fastest street car in the world and literally one of the most expensive things you can buy on four wheels.

The European dream is a special gift for the CEO of Cash Money Records, who is sure to flaunt his new $2.1 million mode of transportation at anyone who dares look. The Dirty South rapper and his crew snapped some shots of the all-red sports car while holding a business card that read “I am expensive,” a statement which would be pretty hard to argue given the car’s estimated $300,000 alone in annual upkeep costs.

Bird also posted a video online which presents all of the finer luxuries of the car, including an adjustable spoiler and ignition key that looks much more like a Swiss army knife than anything else.

Just know that where speed limits aren’t an issue, this car can go fast. Really fast. The Bugatti Veyron has an average top speed of 267 miles per hour (according to the Guinness Book of World Records) and is even faster than a Formula One car – -not to mention about one-third of the speed of sound.

This, would of course come in handy if there were actually a few places on earth you could drive a street car of this velocity. Rather, it’s completely useless in its present environment. Which bothers Birdman nonetheless, especially considering that one expert estimated the car would top out of fuel in about 12 minutes when cruising at its top speed or its specialty tires completely disintegrate in about 15.

Great company considering Birdman now has the honor of joining Simon Cowell and Tom Cruise, or the two other famous dudes who drive Bugatti’s.

The iconic network through the years has slowly evolved into one that is much different than its debut decades earlier. Reality shows, for example, now dominate the airwaves. From the scripted to the ”sort-of” scripted, MTV’s influence on the reality world continues to rule 18 years since the arrival of Real World. 

Thus, we wanted to take a look back in honor of (trying not to puke) Jersey Shore which begins its second season tommorow.

Real World

Real World truly started it all. The show help catapult a dozen knock-offs as well as the reality genre as a whole. The forumla was simple: throw in a group of young, attractive individuals andx make sure at least one is a racist, another a virgin, and the third a minority. It’s not rocket science, but it certainly has been a successful strategy.

The Osbournes

The Osbournes was one of the first reality shows to profile a celebrity family and who better to pick than the whacky Osbournes. First you had Ozzy, or what remains of the former rockstar. Than you had his wise wife, Sharon, and their two dysfunctional kids. Since then, other networks have attempted to profile anyone from Gene Simmons to Dee Snider.

Jackass

Technically, Jackass had an extraordinarily short run (only three seasons and 25 episodes) yet the impact was one of MTV’s most influential. The hilarity helped pave the way for Viva La Bam, Homewrecker, Dr. Steve-O, Jackass: The Movie, its sequel, as well as the upcoming Jackass 3-D. Not bad for a franchise that first gained fame for crashing into trees.

Newlyweds

Who knew that love could be…quite so boring? Starring 98 Degrees’ Nick Lachey and his pretty bride Jessica Simpson, the show was a mega-success and kept both of their careers going for…well…at least a few more years.

Laguna Beach

Laguna Beach and its two spin-offs, The Hills and The City, proved that rich people from Orange County are exactly how we expected – stuck up and incredibly boring. The Hills recently concluded and did admit that the show was (gasp) scripted. As one individual on Twitter responded, “big surprise there.” 

Jersey Shore

The crazy kids from Seaside Heights became the network’s biggest stars over the summer of 2009, when the world was introduced to such previously foreign concepts as “GTL” and “Snooki.” Now, only if The Situation could keep his shirt on.

Yet in the old days (such as 2007), the middle of July would have been far too early to start thinking about the Oscars. Back then, Hollywood loaded up its prestige fare in the fall so that it would stays fresh in the minds of Academy voters.

Last year, however, that all changed with four of the ten Best Picture nominees – include Hurt Locker – released in mid-summer.

Consequently, TPH decided to take a journey down the good, bad, and downright awful in the first half of 2010.

Leonardo DiCaprio

Leonardo is killing it. First, he did wonders with Shutter Island, another SCORE with Martin Scorsese followed by the recent release of Inception. The trailers may leave you more confused than philosophy from Flavor Flav, but you’ll have to admit that Inception looks incredibly cool. It’s the engaging storyline mixed with the special effects. And of course, it doesn’t hurt that Christopher Nolan is directing this piece either.

Toy Story 3

I’m 23 yet I enjoyed the third version of this fantastic series as much as I enjoyed the original some ten to fifteen years ago. How is it that Pixar can make movies that both kids and adults will enjoy? They did marvels with Toy Story 3 and might be the only studio in Hollywood that routinely produces hits consistently now.

Valentine’s Day

The only love this disaster showcased is the affection you have for deeply regretting you just spent $20 with your date (or your hand in other cases) to attend this dreadful piece of cinema. How can one mess up with a cast that included Julia Roberts, Jamie Foxx, Kathy Bates, Jessica Alba, and Patrick Dempsy? Trust us, it happened.

Sex and the Pity

Could somebody please make it all end? Haven’t we all seen enough of Sarah Jessica Parker. Apparently not. Just ask the thousands who flocked to see the women do Abu Dhabi, as if they haven’t slept with everyone including half of all Hollywood Executives by now. Please stop killing my brain cells! You’re truly worst than video games.

Oh, Jen

Seriously, has Jennifer Aniston been a part of anything worth watching since her role as Rachel in Friends ended in 2004? Jennifer has already provided us with one miserable film in 2010 (The Bounty Hunter) and sadly I don’t think that will be the last of her. Equally bad was fellow Jen Lopez in The Back-Up Plan more adequately titled, “The Absolutely Last Movie You Should Ever See.”

Is it possible…more good than bad for Hollywood in the first half of 2010? As far as the mainstream goes, it certainly appears to be heading in that direction.

Blood is on the door of a new “teen sensation” in which lovers and foes alike bite each other for territorial dominance.

Watch CBS News Videos Online

When I was a kid we rode bikes, played basketball, and were convinced girls had “cooties.”

Now apparently it’s cool to pretend to be a vampire and rabie each other.

Click Here! To read the archives of our partner website, Teen Chive.

Here are 10 songs that are badly misinterpreted by the contemporary world:

Bob Dylan, “Mr. Tambourine Man”

Misconception: It’s about drugs, right?

This perception became popular after the film Dangerous Minds was released as it is widely speculated to be an ode to mind-altering drugs (with Mr. Tambourine Man supposedly representing Dylan’s drug dealer). However, Dylan himself claims to have been introduced to LSD after the song had been written. Dylan insists the song was never about drugs, but rather the search for inspiration. He also claims the title character of Mr. Tambourine Man was actually inspired by musician Bruce Langhorne, who played a large Turkish tambourine during many of Dylan’s previous recording sessions.

Bryan Adams, “Summer of 69″

Misconception: The band’s autobiography

In the summer of 1969, Bryan Adams was 10 years old, or well too young to play guitar, join a world successful band, as well as fall in love. Believe it or not, the upbeat nostalgia of this song wasn’t inspired by an actual year, but rather Mr. Adams’ fondness for a certain sexual position. According to Adams, the lyrics detailing a fondly remembered musical summer were mostly filler, because the song was actually about “making love in the summertime.”

Queen, “Bohemian Rhapsody”

Misconception: Describes Mercury’s struggle with AIDS

Queen’s classic was once rumored to reference Freddie Mercury’s battle with AIDS. The members of Queen have been intentionally vague over the years about the true meaning of the lyrics, however Mercury had been quoted as saying the words were simply “random rhyming nonsense” that were just written to fit the music. Furthermore, the AIDS epidemics of the early 80′s took place years after this song had been completed.

Police, “Every Breath You Take”

Misconception: It’s a love song

Arguably the Police’s most popular song, “Every Breath You Take” has been played during countless weddings and other romantic functions as it’s widely believed to be a gentle love song. Quite the contrary actually. According to Sting, the song is about love but a song that was wrote during the collapse of his marriage, amidst feelings of jealousy and obsession over his lost lover. It’s more stalker than “unconditional lover.”

Dave Matthews Band, “Crash into Me”

Misconception: Sexy love song

Dave Matthews’ soft and sincere delivery must distract some listeners from the creepy lyrics, as this song is not an appropriate love song. Matthews has admitted it is, indeed, a love song, but one that has been written from the perspective of a peeping tom. Matthews has also jokingly stated this song was written as an alternative to getting arrested. Well said.

Eagles, “Hotel California”

Misconception: The song worships the devil

Easily one of the more bizarre declarations, many believe that the ominous and abstract nature of “Hotel California’s” lyrics have led to numerous interpretations including one that asserts the song referred to a hotel purchased by Anton LaVey, the founder of the Church of Satan. The spooky imagery in the album cover art along with lyrics like, “they just can’t kill the beast” contributed to this myth. Don Henley and Glenn Frey have stated the song is really metaphorically describing excess in America and the Los Angeles high life that the band experienced.

Bruce Springsteen, “Born in USA”

Misconception: Patriotic song

The anthem for American patriotism is actually extremely critical of the United States. The song was written in response to the negative impact the Vietnam war had on Americans, but the catchy patriotic refrain is apparently a little too catchy to point out the obvious.

Tom Petty, “American Girl”

Misconception: It’s about suicide

Legend has it that Tom Petty wrote this song about a University of Florida student that committed suicide after she jumped off her dorm room balcony. Petty is from Gainesville, where the university is located, and Highway 441 (mentioned in the lyrics) does pass by the school, lending credibility to the story. However, Petty himself has insisted that this story is an urban legend, and the lyrics were actually inspired by the sounds of the freeway near his apartment in Encino, California.

Phil Collins, “In the Air Tonight”

Misconception: Witnessed a preventable death

The dark, accusatory lyrics of this song lent themselves to one of the most well known incorrect meanings. The story says that Phil Collins saw someone drowning once from far away, and that a third person, who was close enough to help, either ignored or refused to help the drowning person.

Appalled by this, Collins penned this tune as an anonymous condemnation of the person’s cowardice and/or apathy. Some versions of the story have Collins finding this person at one of his shows and even singing it directly to them. Of course Collins says that story is incorrect, and the lyrics actually arose from the bitterness and anger he felt while going through his divorce.

James Taylor, “Fire in the Sky”

Misconception: Girlfriend died in plane crash

The sad refrain and apocalyptic lyrics of one of James Taylor’s most famous songs gave rise to a belief that the song dealt with the lost of his girlfriend. The story, however, is fictional and the song was actually written over time, with each of the three verses dealing with a different aspect of his life: from the death of a friend, to his frustration in music, to his brief time spent in an institution.

Beatles, “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”

Misconception: Another song about LSD

John Lennon claimed this song was inspired by a drawing his son produced and that he had no idea that the first letters of the words “Lucy,” “Sky,” and “Diamonds” were a reference to LSD. The lyrics certainly sound like some sort of drug-induced hallucination, but Lennon insisted that was never his intention.

Thanks to ListVerse