Crack cocaine. Meth. Heroin. Porn. Sex.

a euphoric drug or substance bound to make you addicted for more.

…video games.

You might as well go ahead and add your XBOX 360 to the list of addictive substances, because a federal judge in Hawaii just basically put video games into the same category as hard drugs.

You see, just when lawsuits could not get anymore asinine, a resident from one of the most beautiful states in the nation is suing a computer-game manufacturer for negligence – allegations that claim the victim plaintiff grew addicted to an online game and that it consumed his life for years.

Craig Smallwood, the man clearly hooked to “the sticks”, claims he played the game Lineage II for over 20,000 hours during a six-year period from 2004 to 2009.

Note: For the math incompetent, it works out to a staggering 64 hours per week on average - and that’s assuming he played only 20,000 hours, not more, and that he played every single week of those six years.

Little wonder, then, that Smallwood claims the game left him “unable to function independently.” Among the other “emotional damages,” Smallwood adds that he suffered serious emotional distress, required intense therapy and would have never bought the game had he known it was so addictive.

Yeah, I only meant to do crack once too.

Lineage II is what the manufacture refers to as a “massive multiplayer online roleplaying game.” Thousands of players may use the same game-scape at the same time, thus interacting with one another.

The result is a gaming experience where no two sit-ins are the same and clearly something that you could easily spend 20,000 hours doing. In fact, its so good, I traded all my friends for an additional BONUS 5 hours and 10 secretly unhidden cheats.

Video games, because it’s a legit addiction too.

Slate, a newcomer to the SNL team, let the dreaded “F-Bomb” slip during a role in which she plays a tough biker woman on a talk show. The sketch was laden with tough talk from its three characters, but the most objectionable word was substituted with an inoffensive stand-in for that vulgarity. Then, midway through the sketch, Slate slipped and said the word. The sketch continued with no interruption or further slip-ups.

NBC declined to comment on the incident, other than to say the word had been restored to “freakin’” for the show’s replays in western time zones. Great, so now we get the cheesy dub in for the Westerners.

On a side (legal) note, the sketch aired live at about 12:40 a.m. Eastern, well after prime time, when use of expletives can be punished by the FCC.

Meanwhile, Fox provided plenty of laughs and a little fun poking at her new role in “Jennifer’s Body.”

I recently had the pleasure of sitting down with Bernard Kirk, an active trainer for the Wii Olympics which will take place later this summer. Together we discussed childhood obesity, music, girls, and of course…the Nintendo Wii.

ReynsGems: Thanks for stopping by today, Bernard. I wanted to talk to you more about this Nintendo Wii craze…

Bernard: What about it?

ReynsGems: What’s with all these attempts by Nintendo to produce video games that actively allow children to engage in physical activity while playing a video game? Doesn’t that send a mixed message?

Bernard: Quite the contrary, video games are the only way we can reach kids today.

ReynsGems: Whatever happened to getting outside and shooting hoops or something?

Bernard: We do have NBA 2K8.

ReynsGems: Not exactly what I was getting at. I mean shouldn’t video games and physical fitness remain two separate things. I thought the whole purpose of video games was to sit down, eat Cheetos, and relax?

Bernard: Not anymore. It won’t be long before Playstation creates a game that actually makes you feel physical pain after being shot by an alien.

ReynsGems: Not sure I’ll buy that one. Quick question and answer…are video games contributing to childhood obesity and ultimately the end of the world?

Bernard: No on the first part, possibly yes on the second.

ReynsGems: I do notice a lot of chubby boys and girls now of days. Any chance Nintendo might introduce a feature that would allow you to directly order food for delivery while still playing Guitar Hero III?

Bernard: That would be sweet!

ReynsGems: Tell me about this Wii Olympics?

Bernard: Well it essentially is a competition between athletes engaging through intense physical exertion.

ReynsGems: By physical exertion you mean quickly moving your fingers on a controller?

Bernard: Something like that.

—

Later in the interview, Bernard invited me over to his home to play Fight Night on the Nintendo Wii.

I was surprised how tired I was after a couple of rounds.

—

ReynsGems: You are right, the Wii is addicting.

Bernard: Told you.

ReynsGems: For an eight year old, do you get a lot of chicks playing the Wii.

Bernard: It depends.

ReynsGems: Bernard, I think that fight was unfair. You’re obviously in a much bigger weight class then I am.

Bernard: That’s true.

ReynsGems: Thanks Bernard for a great day. I’m going to hit up Best Buy on the way home, max out my already maxed out credit card, and purchase a Nintendo Wii.

Bernard: Sure.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present…Photos Even White People Can Enjoy.

The very wise Peter Griffin once said, “Literacy is extremely important. If we don’t teach our kids to read, how will they ever know what’s on TV?”

The very witty comment definitely struck a cord with America. In a land where anything can steal your attention at any given second, and hold it for about that long, the iPhone has found another way to distract our children while they’re in school.

The other day I caught an ad for an application on your iPhone that allows you to download books and read them on your phone.

I couldn’t help but shake my head. First off, do kids even read anymore? Between XBOX 360 and Guitar Hero 3 World Tour, Shakespeare may become ancient news in a matter of decades.  And now iPhone wants to allow the option of reading a book on a 2×2 inch screen?

Let’s face it, we are becoming dumber and cell phones may represent “cause numero uno.”

Because of cell phones…we can no longer drive safe on the road anymore as every trip to work represents a chance to be hit by a distracted 40 year old dude who thinks he is cool because he talks on his phone and drives a car at the same time.

Because of cell phones…we cannot sit patiently in public for more than two seconds before whipping out our phone and pretending to have received a new text message.

Because of cell phones…people have become anti-social, “too cool for school,” and ultimately dumber.

And now iPhone thinks people will buy their phone because they can read books on it! That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. A phone on a book.

Whatever happened to the phone only being used to engage in conversation?

Hate the “my cell phone is everything trend?”

Lash out or tell me how much of an idiot I am…

I only ask, how is this guy famous?  I mean, is he good looking to you people?  He clearly can’t act as this tape is an obvious ploy. At least the cool mural in the video makes the 3 minutes I just spent watching Shia try to act not have been a complete waste of time.

The part that really pisses me off is that this Nerf Throwing fiery crotched midget is probably lying next to some smoking hot supermodel at this moment while I am sitting in my basement in my underwear trying to earn $0.45 a day blogging about how much I hate Seth Green. F#$k Me! (“Mom! I am on the computer blogging. Leave me alone for the LOVE OF GOD!”)