OMG! Dancing with the Stars Contestants Announced!

In case you did not know, the excitement relayed in the title of this article is a little sarcastic. Rest assured, we have trouble getting juiced for a reality show, much less one that is centered around dancing and former washed up stars desperate for one last shot at attention.

Still, we even have to admit that the contestants for season 11 (God, has it already been that many!?) is in fact intriguing. From the good (Jennifer Grey, David Hasselhoff) to the bad (Audrina Patridge, Brandy) and the WTF!? (Michael Bolton, Bristol Palin) – season 11 will clearly have something for everyone.

But enough is enough! If this despicable show is going to continue we must lay down some guidelines:

1. Singers are not allowed…PERIOD

Seriously, is it not a hidden requirement in the music industry these days that to be constituted as a singer you must also be able to dance? Why the f**k is Brandy included on this list? Did she finally realize that her horrendous singing career was never going to work out? If you’re a musician, you honestly have no excuse NOT to win this show.

2. Get the “Reality” Out of Here…

Do not get me wrong, I love seeing Audrina Patridge in a bikini as much as the next guy but I think one reality show is one too much for The Hills babe. Likewise, “The Situation” needs to stick to shows that fit his lack of talent and dull personality…like the equally bromidic Jersey Shore.

3. You MUST be a Star

Seriously, is it not “Dancing with the STARS”??? Then who decided to include Bristol Palin? Being famous for getting knocked up out of wedlock does not make you a celebrity. Sorry.

4. Jock Itch

Call me stupid, but I’ve never been influenced to watch this show just because Warren Sapp or some other jock was among the contestants. Watching a three minute interview with LeBron James will clearly show you how platitudinous professional athletes are off the field. Which is exactly why they should remain ON the field.

No offense Kurt Warner, we actually like you, (Rick Fox, not so much) but were not impressed by a jock dancing around the studio. Sorry.