Carrie Prejean Blows Away Immorality

Prejean Preaches Purity

Carrie Prejean, the would-be Miss America who was screwed out of her inevitable crown for spanking the liberal establishment and fisting immorality, has a new book.

On the jacket cover, she’s lauded by conservative heavy hitters like Rush Limbaugh for her moral erectness.

National airhead Ann Coulter writes: “Facing a frenzy of attacks from liberals for preferring ‘classic marriage’ to ‘new marriage’ in her answer at a beauty pageant, Prejean proved that there is no rock like the rock of Christianity.

Carrie’s admiration for marriage and her lovely backbone triggered the liberals’ well-known ‘fight or flight’ syndrome.”

God bless Christianity, and God bless hating liberals. Oh wait…it seems he already has.

But wait again. Miss Prejean is no longer Miss California after being nailed for spreading the good word instead of submitting to the bondage of her contractual obligations.  So she boned up on other ways to make herself heard, or seen as the case may be.

After gagging on America’s pervasive wickedness and liberal weakness for too long, Prejean has swallowed her pride and made a series of instructional videos to help children and adults alike walk the path of righteousness.

How, you ask?

Thankfully for all of us sinners, Prejean has penetrated moral degradation by injecting herself in the national conversation about heterosexual sex as well.

Prejean pricked Americans’ interest by making her very own sex tape—actually tapes. There are reportedly 8 of them.

Following in the illustrious footsteps of such principled and decent auteurs as Paris Hilton, Dustin “Screech” Diamond, and Tommy Lee, Prejean strikes another blow for common decency.

Leaving aside for a minute her decision to engage in pre-marital sex, a biblical violation if you believe what the Bible says, her celluloid exploits demonstrate the rock-hard moral foundation on which she stands.

I believe it’s said in Leviticus or Deuteronomy or some other funny sounding book in the Bible, man should not build a house on sand because it will not withstand the toll of the elements. Rather, man should build a house on saline implants because those things will float you right through 40 days and 40 nights of flooding designed to wipe the impenitent hordes from the face of the earth.

To this reporter, Miss Prejean’s fake-breasts, sex-tapes, and general inability to form a complete sentence don’t make her a bad person. They make her a Bible-thumping idiot with no sense that she’s digging herself a hole from which she won’t soon escape.

It’s one thing to be an idiot. It’s quite another to expect that everyone else is, too.

Verdict: hate her.