Getting ill with Phil: Kim Kardashian

Hello everyone and welcome to the first installment of “Getting Ill with Phil” a special segment that allows me to discuss my inner struggles with an actual black man named Phil Harrison.

Phil and I met about three years ago in New Jersey. Since that time I have often sought Phil’s advice on black people, pop culture, and women.

We often talk about girls that a white dude like myself has not shot in the heck of landing. Today’s topic of discussion? How about Kim Kardashian. KK is one letter short of a bad word and one inch shy of the biggest behind in Hollywood. What that equals? Double trouble and a discussion about why KK would be better off dating a white dude like myself…

ReynsGems: Man, Kim Kardashian is one hot mama, even if I have no idea what she’s famous for.

Phil: She’s also very rich, stuck up, and dirtier than the bad side of a penny.

ReynsGems: Nice comparison, Phil. So why does Kim always seem to appeal the Dark Side?

Phil: That’s a little racist don’t ya think? I think Kim prefers bruthas for the reason almost all rich, white girls prefer bruthas.

ReynsGems: And that being?

Phil: We consider the finer things in life.

ReynsGems: I guess I still don’t understand. Anways, Kim fits my description of the perfect woman. Big booty, nice breasts (abit fake), and gorgeous face.

Phil: And yet she’s still dating Reggie Bush.

ReynsGems: And what’s that suppose to mean?

Phil: Unless you run the 40 in 4.2 seconds, bench press 400 pounds, and accept illegal benefits from USC you have no shot in hell.

ReynsGems: Interesting way to look at it, but still! How about if I date one of her sisters and try to work my way up to her?

Phil: Work your way up to her? Come on man, you don’t even have a shot at that.

ReynsGems: I enjoy their reality show on E!?

Phil: That makes you the only one.

ReynsGems: Now that was cold.

Phil: Tell me dawg, you ever see her sex tape?

ReynsGems: Seen? I consider that a manual in film.

Phil: A manual?

ReynsGems: You know, some of the angles used in the shots. The close up on Ray J’s face –

Phil: Hold right there.

ReynsGems: Enough with the chit-chat Phil, can I get ill with Kim Kardashian or not?

Phil: Hell no.

ReynsGems: But I can still watch?

Phil: Whatever floats your boat, man.

ReynsGems: Nice!