Madonna Goes Rogue: Kidnapping and Stealing Millions

Okay, Madonna’s hasn’t actually kidnapped anyone but she is trying to adopt her second Malawian child. Confirmed Tuesday, Madonna has her eye on a four-year old orphan named Mercy.

Having gone through the grueling, minute-long adoption process, Madonna is now waiting for the judge’s decision. The judge is waiting for the check to clear.

Madonna, shown here in her zombie form, adopted her son David from Malawi in 2006.

Meanwhile, several Malawians, as well as Mercy’s extended family, are opposing the speed adaption. What does it say about Madonna that Mercy’s loved ones would rather she stay in god-forsaken Malawi then go live with money-bags Madge in a land with clean water and floors?

While in Malawi, Madonna is a completely different person. She dresses conservatively and keeps her boy toys, and her A-Rods, hidden. Her charade is not fooling the media though and hopefully it doesn’t fool Malawian officials. Although last time Madge took one of their children, the government waived the 2-year assessment period.

Madonna better avoid that assessment period because this Thursday the Material Girl is launching a charity auction on eBay for her foundation, “Raising Malawi.” I can’t give you any details because there are none. The event is that disorganized and rushed.

Raising Malawi is an organization that teaches “Spirituality for Kids” to Malawi orphans, or if you prefer brainwashes kids with Kabbalah.

Apparently this fundraiser is to coincide with a book about her never-picked-up-by-a-distributor documentary, “I Am Because We Are,” mockingly called “We Are Because I Am.”

The Republic of Malawi, formerly known as Nyasaland, is among the world's least developed and most densely populated countries.

This “fundraiser” is of course for “the people” but in order to go you need an invitation.

Before Madonna throws another fundraiser perhaps she should find the nearly $4 million she collected for “Razing Malawi” in February of 2008.

That fundraiser was thrown by her organization and the Gucci Foundation—a non-profit that provides designer handbags to underprivileged children. It’s estimated that the swanky gala raised $3.7 million but no one knows where that money has gone. Neither foundation has filed the appropriate tax forms nor has their spokespeople returned calls or emails.

While it would be delicious if Madge actually stole the money, or someone connected to her, it’s highly unlikely. After all, Madonna can legally make $3.7 million before breakfast. More than likely, the fundraiser failed to raise any funds or it’s just some boring accounting-slash-tax issue.

As you can see Madonna is very busy serving her ego. Let’s hope it delays her next album.