Michael Jackson Needs Gil Grissom’s Help

The King of Pop, Michael Jackson, tragically died on Thursday.

The Los Angeles Coroner’s Office completed his autopsy on Friday.

Michael Jackson’s body was released to his family Friday night.

However, the coroner isn’t expected to rule on Jackson’s cause of death until toxicology and other additional testing is completed. It will take approximately four to six weeks to get those tests back from the lab.

Four to six weeks? On NCIS it would takes minutes. On any CSI, even the crappy one in New York, it would take hours. In the Law and Order universe it would take about one day.

Even on The Closer, which is set in Los Angeles, Brenda Lee gets lab results back quicker than four to six weeks and her show is on basic cable.

I understand that television shows are slightly different than real life but four to six weeks to get lab results back is ridiculous (some media outlets are even reporting six to eight weeks). One could order the lab results from Amazon and get them sooner—and with free shipping.

He’s the most famous person in the world and it’s going to take a month to run lab tests? Jackson was able to get several billionaires to bail him out of debt but he can’t get one civil servant to work through lunch.

When Jackson was alive he could jump to the head of any line in the world. Now that he’s passed away, you mean to tell me that he can’t even take cuts in the queue to the centrifuge?

You might say that in the eyes of the law his death is no more important than the death of anyone else. I guarantee you the people ahead of Jackson didn’t record the first album I ever bought or introduced the moonwalk dance on Motown’s 25th anniversary show in 1983.

The entire world wants to know what happened to Michael. Run the damn tests already!

I would like to meet the lab tech that has the gall to keep MJ’s test at the back of the line. Then again, maybe she’s a Prince fan.