O.J. Simpson on the Juice?

When your first name is short for America’s favorite breakfast beverage (and you’re also not a murderer), people are drawn to your inspirational stories while inside the United States penitentiary system.

Some may call it the “Shawshank Redemption Effect.”

…And now we introduce O.J. Simpson, a man with a story nearly as delicious as his first name.

A good friend of O.J. Simpson recently told the NY Post that Simpson has never been in better shape. He’s dropping the pounds, lifting weights, and get this…preaching racial harmony and anger management to other inmates at Nevada’s Lovelock Correctional Center.

Norman Pardo, Simpson’s friend (and probably only one left) told the publication, “He says that’s one of the benefits of not being able to go out and party all the time like he used to.”

Oh yeah, of course, because if we all partied like O.J. we would get into trouble. Trouble, like, murdering our ex-wife and boyfriend or breaking into someone else’s place and demanding they give back our mutha f**kin’ memorabila? It all makes sense now!

O.J. Simpson’s rags to riches story is nearly as significant this week as Glenn Beck’s show. Which makes perfect sense why we are covering it. In all honesty, it’s great to see O.J. finally putting his talents to good use. I strongly believe those fellow inmates are in for a treat at next anger management class.

“O.J. Simpson Presents: Anger Management 101: Take your frustration out on your wife and hire rich lawyers to bail out!”