White People Hate Oprah’s Steadman

Fat white middle aged housewives everywhere would kill for a chance to meet Oprah Winfrey and get some of those goodies she’s always passing out then sticking you with the taxes that you can’t afford because you don’t have a job because you are home watching Oprah all day. She is beloved by all who tune into her sappy politically correct snooze-fest aired on ABC everyday at 3 in the afternoon. Just the other day I was flipping through the channels and there was absolutely nothing else on so I checked out an episode, my first, or second maybe, or probably haven’t missed an episode in all my life, and she ran a story about a guy who was dying and he was lecturing about his situation and I balled my eyes out and snot poured down that little funnel connecting my nose to my mouth (by the way, bad design there god). Anyways, I got to thinking who could ever defile this angel from the heavens, this shepherd of bon bon eaters, this host of hosts, then I realized there is someone, Steadman. How could you man, where do you get off, who the hell are you. First of all, why don’t you go ahead and marry her you little bastard, you are diving into Oprah’s holiest of holes like an Olympic freestlyist and you don’t even have the decency to make an honest woman out of her. A pox on you good sir, you probably make date arrangements with her and cancel at the last moment. I hope you are wearing condoms with our Oprah you filthy hillbilly sailor. I imagine you’re one of these guys who while out at dinner only talks about yourself not even caring that Oprah just single handedly solved the world’s energy crisis. For gods sake, she owns half of maui you pig f*#ker. Ok, that one didn’t make sense but that just goes to show that even this author can go a little crazy knowing Oprah’s Steadman is out there on the loose and not in prison where he belongs.