Ryan Seacrest: Man Tries To Slip Into His Trunk
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car county police department international spy john hancock Man ryan seacrest
Okay. Okay. It wasn’t exactly Seacrest’s trunk.
A man was arrested today after “allegedly” assaulting a security guard that tried to stop him from getting into Ryan Seacrest’s car.
As the American Idol host was piling into his ride, 25-year-old Chidi Benjamin Uzomah Jr. decided to get in too. Security guards immediately stepped in and eventually subdued Uzomah.
Seacrest, who was not injured in the incident, got out of the way as soon as the mele erupted. Dollars to doughnuts he screeched like a little girl.
“Ryan pulled away as the thing started,” said Sgt. Dan Adams. “He wasn’t involved and didn’t see anything.”
That sounds like an odd comment but it was important to say Seacrest didn’t see anything so he doesn’t have to testify in court. That claim is further strengthened by the fact that there was no mention of this incident on Seacrest’s Twitter page.
Uzomah “allegedly” choked one of the guards and did so to such a degree that he nearly fell unconscious.
The Orange County Police Department has yet to uncover a motive for Uzomah’s actions, but it’s pretty obvious why he did it.
Clearly, Uzomah is an international spy. As he was parachuting into Los Angeles a microfilm fell out of his pocket and into Seacrest’s car through the sunroof. Uzomah was only trying to retrieve the asset before the Russians got their paws on it. Duh!
Prior to the altercation, the ubiquitous Seacrest had been signing autographs at the Children’s Hospital of Orange county—he enjoys being around people that are shorter than him. Oddly enough, Uzomah was one of those in attendance that finagled Seacrest’s John Hancock.
However, the most mind-boggling, unbelievable part of this story is Ryan Seacrest drives himself around town.
2:23 pm
It astounds me the article would editorialize in such a manner as to the reasons Mr. Uzomah was trying to get into Seacrest’s vehicle. Perhaps we shouldn’t be making fun of those that are delusional to the point of pulling a stunt like this and instead focus on what’s important, Seacrest is someone we white people hate to love and his name should be attached to every article written that involves pop music, television ratings and Dick Clark’s corpse.
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2:31 pm
Snugglie Fan is either amusingly sarcastic or just a flat out royal douche-bag
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