White People Hate Poetry Slams

Poetry slams are a huge slap in whitey’s face. White people love rules and regulations. They love almanacs and encyclopedias filled with incontrovertible truths, Kelley Blue Books that tell them exactly what their Chevy Luminas are worth, etiquette guides brimming with laws for proper behavior. White people love tightly controlled guidelines nearly as much as they love country clubs and Asian spouses. It is because of the love of rules that white people hate, absolutely cannot stand, poetry slams. Poetry slams represent lawlessness, improvisation, and anarchy. Urban youths gather from all around to “spit rhymes” that fly in the face of such rule-driven luminaries as William Shakespeare and Robert Frost. Poetry slams, though not as crude as rap battles, are filled with dirty language, messages from the streets, and calls for revolution—all of which are in direct violation of all the rules white people cherish so dearly. And worst of all, some of the “poetry” at poetry slams doesn’t even rhyme. Sweet Jesus, white people hate poetry that doesn’t rhyme. I mean, what’s the point if it doesn’t even rhyme?