Griese, other “Commentators” are Horrible People

Fans of Ohio State and Minnesota stuck watching the college football game from home Saturday were treated to a blow out win for the Buckeyes and a highly politically incorrect statement from color commentator Bob Griese.

Griese, well known as the Dolphins quarterback who led his team to the only NFL’s undefeated season in 1972, has since become one of the worst commentators in college football. His reputation earned him a job back in the day, but he’s since been regulated to “lesser games” as analysts like Kirk Herbstreit have taken his place.

During Saturday’s Ohio State/Minnesota game, ABC ran a promo for NASCAR. Play-by-play broadcaster Chris Speilman asked where Juan Pablo Montoya was in the standings which was followed nearly on cue with Griese’s classic, “He’s out having a taco.”

At the end of the game, Griese issued a bland apology and remarked that Montoya is “one of the best drivers in NASCAR”…and that he really likes Mexican food.

Griese’s comment is one of many from former jocks and coaches who think they can (and will) get away with anything.

Two weeks ago former Notre Dame head coach Lou Holtz (whose lisp is awful) proclaimed at the start of the Colorado/Texas game that “Colorado would finish the game despite wanting to leave at halftime.” Ironically, Colorado led at halftime and Holtz sat there looking like a complete dumbass that he is.

Which brings me to my next point.

How can we logically hold “commentators” to a higher standard when half their remarks are stupid, ignorant, far from the truth, lack substance, or downright politically incorrect? Do these people really have any dignity? Even famous coaches and players like Bob Knight, who once went out of the way to bash the media, have joined sports networks to commentate.

Sadly, these commentators make a ton of money to make the most bizarre predictions and say the nastiest remarks.

I would like to propose a new standard for every sports commentator:

Horrible predictions force you to leave your job. I call this The Lou Holtz Effect. Make one poor prediction and you take a salary cut. Three strikes and your out. You should no way, shape or form, earn a six figure a year salary for making predictions that my dog could make. If coaches are held to a tight deadline for winning, so should commentators for making accurate and fair predictions.

Former jocks should have to earn their way on a network. Just because my name is Emmit Smith and I’m the all-time leader in rushing yards in the NFL does not make me a lock for a sports commentator position on ESPN nor the best man for the job. Former jocks should have to compete against each other in cage matches and other death defying stunts to earn their position.

Former jocks who drink a steady dose of “Hateraide” should be forced to prove they can do what they demand from others. I’m talking about commentators like Kirk Herbstreit among others who constantly boast about their glory days while saying this guy isn’t doing that or this guy isn’t doing this right. 

Commentators shouldn’t attempt to make bad jokes which are backed up with cheesy laughs from the play-by-play guy. If you want to do comedy, go to a bar and do stand-up. ESPN doesn’t pay you to rip poor jokes.

Women shouldn’t commentate NBA basketball games. No offense, I’m not sexist, but the guy’s game is completely different from the girl’s game. If a girl can honestly bash Zach Randolph for not boxing out, than a man should do WNBA games and bash players for not being able to dunk. It will not be long before women do the NFL.

Any statement made that is completely false automatically results in a de-motion to sideline reporting as you wear a wig, dress, and high heels. No word yet if you also must make a sex tape like Erin Andrews.