Happy New Year

Congratulations!

You’ve started 2010 the same exact way you start every New Year…with a raging hangover! Now go to the bathroom and get some major pain relief.

2010 is the second official decade of the 21st century. The first decade of the 21st century was filled with plenty of touching moments, interesting stories, bizarre news, and of course things we can hate on.

We started to think…if 2010 is a new decade, than it’s time for some “things to hate” predictions.

Note: Do not bet on these in Vegas.

The Lions Win the Super Bowl

The Detroit Lions, the laughing stock of the NFL, will win a Super Bowl from 2011-2019. Bill Bellichick will leave the Patriots for the Lions and fuse the players with performance-enchancing drugs and a defensive line composed of Terminators.

2012 will Really Happen

…And it will take place exactly like the movie depicted. John Cusack will be the lone survivor. Years later, he’ll reunite with Will Smith who lives in New York City. The two will mate and Cusack will conceive a Martin Sheen.

ReynsGems will Marry Megan Fox AND Jessica Alba

No need to raise red flags about personal bias here…

FOX News will Challenge the Democrats to a Gladiator Battle

Decades of smack talk and low blows will lead to the Gladiator battlefield. The last man (sorry Sarah Palin) who is standing becomes the next President of the United States in 2012. This will not matter, because of course, it will be the end of the world as we know it.

Obama Debuts in a ‘Lil Wayne Rap Video

Trying to win over some votes for the ill-fated 2012 re-election, Obama will make an appearance in a rap video by ‘Lil Wayne, opening up bottles of Malt Liquor and dousing it over Sarah Palin’s wet bod.

Things People Hate will Replace CNN as the most Legitimate News Source

Yes you heard it from us first. ”Things People Hate…The Only Voice of the News.”

Megan Fox will Release a Sex Tape

…Hopefully with me.

Transformers 9 becomes a Reality

The worst movie franchise keeps going and going and going…only rumors of a 10th sequel lose interest after Michael Bay is devoured by Megatron. Hey, I can dream right?

2010-2019 Will…

What are your ludicrous predictions for the coming decade?