Targeted “You Suck” Internet Ads

A few weeks ago I logged into my Facebook account, only to notice that alongside each page, brightly-colored ads were telling me not so subtly that I need to lose weight, that I need to really consider getting married, and quickly, and that I am probably just a bit too hairy for my own good.  I then logged into my Myspace, and here in yet more side ads I found what sounded like incredibly viable and famous- person-promoted solutions to at least one of these massive problems that this fat, unmarried, hairy white girl seems to have.  So I pulled out my pretty silver credit card, did a rain dance to the theme song of Oprah, and placed my order for free trials of Total Cleanse and Extreme Acai Berry supplements.  Then I sat back with an extreme smirk of satisfaction to wait for my two little bottles of free weight loss sunshine to arrive.  And I waited.  And waited.  Finally after a few weeks the Total Cleanse made its appearance, and I called to cancel my account so that I couldn’t be billed for additional shipments.  Guess what…the phone number led only to silence. Ominous SILENCE.  Then I checked my credit card account and guess what else…tons of exorbitant charges on my card for random gym memberships!  After tons of calls to these companies and threats to use my whole bottle of Total Cleanse on various customer service reps as a very unwelcome enema, I have finally managed to get my account clear.  However, this little incident has made me realize that maybe white people have a certain susceptibility to ads that are put there simply to point out (usually incorrectly) how much they suck.  For this reason, all white people should very quickly learn to hate targeted internet ads, before these bloodsuckers perform a credit card enema on you!