Horrible Christmas Gifts

Well, I admit that I am not quite the ba-hambug grinch that should be writing this post.  I actually like Christmas.  The time off of work, the festive smelling tree and baked goods.  But even I, thou lover of Christmas, has some pretty hate-filled things to say about it.  Since I love a good list, i thought i would list the five things I hate about Christmas:

1. Shopping for Gifts:  This has to be my, and almost everyone else’s, number one thing to hate about Christmas.  Only at this time of year are you penalized for having a lot of family and friends.  Usually having a lot of friends is a good thing, but when you are stuckat some mall on Christmas eve trying to find some useless shit to wrap up and give to one of those beloved many friends of yours, friends ARE a bad thing.
2. Getting Crappy Gifts:  A sweater.  Socks. A donation in my name to some third world charity.  Really?!  I mean, are you F#$king kidding me?  Have you not watched enough movies to know that getting someone a sweater is not ok?
3. Family Visits:  I love my family, but trying to coordinate 16 visitors from 11 states and 2 terrorist-listed foreign countries is a nightmare no matter who you are.
4. Lines at the Store:  It is inevitable that honey-dearest-wife or overly-bearing-mother will forget to buy enough eggs to make her famous Christmas pudding.  And who gets stuck standing in a 30 minute line at the grocery store for a small carton of eggs?  That’s right, the shmuck who didn’t buy eggs as a hedge the night before knowing that this was going to happen.
5. The Fact that Fat is ok:  Only one day a year is the fact that you are jolly, old and fat a good thing.  That’s right, I can’t stand the one day reprieve that Fatty McNeckRolls gets on December 25th….they must really thank the lord for Santa.