Broke Friends

In every group there’s always that one friend who mooches. This is the guy that goes out and forgets his wallet or is a little short this month “can you help a brotha out”. You ain’t no brotha, your mildly funny and you laugh at everything I say so you are pretty much on the payroll dipshit but don’t think for one second I won’t cut your ass off like a pissed off pimp if you start bugging the shit out of me. You’re the guy who always has an idea of how to make money, and you’re the first one to complain about the government even though your sorry ass doesn’t pay taxes because nobody will hire you because all you’re good at doing it flicking boogers from your bed to the wastebasket and whacking off up to 14 times a day. And dude, take a shower. Broke friends always have a funk about them like they think it costs money to have their mother wash their clothes once a week. I love getting drunk and just railing on my broke friends, call them every name in the book and socking the shit out of them. Then the next morning when your broke ass friend spent the night because he had nowhere else to go you go off on a hangover ass spreading anal rape of what a worthless piece of shit he is for always being broke. That to me, is like a day at Disneyland. And if you think you might be taking a chick home from the bar, you don’t even question leaving that worthless piece of shit at the bar to fend for himself knowing full well he doesn’t have any money for a cab. That is why you will usually see your broke friend in nice shoes. Even he knows there is a good chance he’ll be literally running home to mommy. But you always give the guy a break because if you were surrounded by successful people you would be the broke friend and fuck that. This brings me to a TWPH co-author, Skinny, this guy hasn’t earned more than $10,000 ever in a single year period and he smells like a swamp rat shit out a fresh piece of limburger cheese. He is the type of guy who has a kid just so you have to go to her birthday party and buy her gifts. Of course, the party is a “pot luck” and all he will be providing the needy kid. So all of you that have a broke friend that always is just kind of around, I feel your pain.