Porn Bailout: Starring Barack Obama and Jenna Jameson

When I first read the headline on CNN that said “Porn Industry Bailout” I thought the article was going to be an in depth story about the new way male porn actors are dealing with birth control (the old “pull and pray” or “bailout” methods as you say), but after starting to read the article I realized that it was even better of a story.  Porn moguls Larry “I can’t walk but I work to get you up” Flint, Joe “how the hell do I manage to always get hot college chicks to show me their tits” Francis and a few of their hooker-humping cohorts decided to plea with the federal government to give the pron industry a $5 billion dollar bailout.  Awesome!  I mean, he has a point, we are bailing out the financial companies, the car companies and the natural progression should next be the porn companies.  I mean, clearly, 100% of porn involves “financials” and my own non-random sampled survey revealed that 95% of the Chevy Trucks in this country were purchased for the purpose of making or re-enacting porn.  The three tie together like Alvin, Simon and Theodore.  It is the natural next stopping point.  Dear Mr. Obama, I implore you to give this request strong consideration as the health of our economy depends on it.  I for one would become a much less productive worker if I had to carry around a sack full of jizz due to inability to expunge it on a bi-hourly basis, as aided by porn.