Miss California, Perez Hilton & The “Mess” USA Pageant

Saturday, the unwatchable Miss USA pageant was made slightly interesting when self-proclaimed gossip queen and pageant judge Perez Hilton asked eventual first runner-up Miss California her opinion about same-sex marriage.

The incident had all the spontaneity of a high school production of Hamlet and according to Hilton, Miss California’s answer cost her the title, meaning it’s straight to softcore porn for her.

The Miss USA competition is the stripper pole of beauty pageants.  It separates itself from the pack by lacking a talent competition (what a bold move).  To further its reputation as a classy operation it’s owned by Donald Trump.

Miss California’s real name is Carrie Prejean (what a perfect name for a bimbo).  She lost to some chick from a southern state–one of those that has a cardinal direction in its name.

This article is not for or against same-sex marriage.  Instead it’s about how NOT to discuss an important issue.   Most everything said during, and after, NBC’s broadcast of the pageant should never be uttered again.

So as a public service, Things White People Hate breaks down the participants’ comments and tries to make sense of the nonsensical exchange of words.

Perez: Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same-sex marriage…

This is such a set up.  The first is important, the second maybe, but the fourth?  Who cares about the fourth?

Perez: Do you think every state should follow suit, why or why not?

Keep in mind Perez is gayer than the Miss USA Pageant and according him, Prejean was leading the competition at this time.  If you’re Prejean, this is where you ramble on about “love” and “happily ever after,” while throwing in some pabulum about “states right.”

Prejean: I think its great Americans are able to choose one or the other…

Americans aren’t able to choose, only the Americans living in Vermont, New Hampshire, Oregon and Washington are able to choose.

Prejean: We live in a land that you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage…

What’s opposite marriage?  Isn’t that divorce?  “Opposite marriage,” someone copyright that phrase.

Prejean: And you know what in my country…

You’re in the Miss USA pageant!  Why are you talking like you’re from another country?  Everyone in the room, including you, and everyone watching it at home on their television are from the same country.  Use the correct pronoun!

Prejean: in my family I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman…

“I think I believe?”  Way to commit yourself.

Prejean: No offense to anybody there…

That’s what you say when you’re about to offend someone.

Prejean: but that’s how I was raised and that’s how I think it should be, between a man and a woman.

That’s such a cop out.  Don’t blame your parents for the way you think.  You’re an adult, albeit one that competes in the Miss USA pageant, have an opinion and own it.  Don’t hide behind the people who signed your fieldtrip permission slips when you were a kid.  Blame them for your osteoporosis and your dry skin, but don’t blame them for your opinions.

Prejean was booed for her answer.

Hilton: "I applaud her for her honesty. However... Miss USA should represent everyone. Her answer alienated millions of gay and lesbian Americans, their families and their supporters." Well said Mr. Hilton.

Sunday night, Keith Lewis, who runs the Miss California competition, released a statement responding to Prejean’s comments.  Once again, we’ll break them down.

Lewis: As co-director of the Miss California USA, I am personally saddened and hurt that Miss California believes marriage rights belong only to a man and a woman.

Who else would marriage rights belong to but a man and a woman?  A fish?  A bookcase?  Technically every man and every woman has the right to marry whomever they want.  It’s just that in 46 states they can only marry someone of the opposite sex.

Lewis: I believe all religions should be able to ordain what unions they see fit.

No you don’t.  You believe religions should ordain every union.  If you actually believed “religions should be able to ordain what unions they see fit” then you would be in agreement with Prejean.

Lewis: I do not believe our government should be able to discriminate against anyone and religious beliefs have no politics in the Miss California family.

If that’s true, why did you let Hilton ask the question in the first place?  If you didn’t want someone to disparage gay marriage, then don’t put the pageant in a position where someone can disparage gay marriage.

To all parties involved: if you’re going to discuss an issue like same-sex marriage, please  have the decency to speak intelligently on the subject or not at all.   Don’t address the topic during, of all things, the Miss USA pageant (or any NBC show for that matter).  This silly little contest set back intelligent discourse in this country 20 years.