The Regulation of Fireworks

The way the government is raping children of their ability to have fun is getting out of hand. Every US-raised kid aged 25 and up remembers back to when they were a kid and the joy that used to be the 4th of July. I recall the days quite vividly myself. From the wood-built fireworks stands that begun to be constructed by a crew of illegal immigrants a few weeks before the big day, to the colorful banners and 6-for-1 signs that littered those very fireworks stands. And the joy that was going to the stand a few days before July 4th with your dad to pick up a packaged set of fireworks which were neatly kept together in a cardboard box and plastic wrapping. Then once the big day arrived, we all remember the sheer joy that took place when lighting fireworks. Laying them all out on the floor in some strategic pattern and then lighting one after another before running for cover (to aviod being the kid who showed up to class with a missing thumb on Monday morning). All that joy that formed a vividly memorable part of my childhood couldn’t have been a bad thing could it have?

Then why, I ask, is it that there are so many regulations on fireworks that even f’ing Sparklers are now illegal. I mean, those things were the most pussy-ass fireworks of the bunch and somehow they are too dangerous for our modern world? Most towns these days flat out ban fireworks altogether, and those that don’t only sell the most benign bunch of panzy products ever to be contemplated. Is it really that big of a deal that a few houses get torched every year or that a few kids lose a finger? I mean, all that fun I just described is surely worth the price of a few hours of overtime for the fire department and a few missing limbs. Society is slowly turning into one gigantic douche.