Soccer (Futbol) Stars

David Beckham

Ronaldinho

Jim: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, once again I’m Jim Black and along side me is my colleague Bob White. Welcome to the fourth “Will Honkey Win” event, featuring a battle between soccer (futbol for you rest-of-the-worlders) stars David Beckham and Ronaldinho.  Such a strange night, the bout is seconds away from starting and the arena only has a single fan here to watch the event.  What do you make of this Bob?….. Bob?…..Bob?  Well, apparently not even my partner could garner up the interest to attend this event.  Just goes to show that soccer has not quite on in the USA yet I guess.  Well, me and the one other fan are sure to enjoy this one….even if the other fan is a drunk bum using the arena as a warm shelter from the outside rain.

I guess its time to crack open the Jack Daniels and see what these soccer players can do.

(ding!)

The bell has rung and the two fighters are out in the middle of the ring dancing around.  My my, this Ronaldinho kid is galloping around in there like a gazelle.  He really has the look of a horse with that scraggly mane of a haircut he is sporting.  David Beckham, on the other hand, is clean shaven and not wearing a shirt.  No doubt trying to ensure that the one fan out there notices his abs.

The two continue to dance around but after 90 minutes neither appears to have landed a punch or attempted a kick.  Well, this sure is snoozer.  At least the hot assed soccer ring chicks are something entertaining to look at.  Uh….I mean, my apologies folks, that must have been the Jack Daniels talking.

Well, still no punches landed and we’re headed into injury time.  Woops, what is this?  David Beckham has gone down and is grabbing his ankle as he rolls around in pain.  I didn’t see what caused it but he appears to be in extreme pain.  The trainers have come out and appear to be spraying some sort of pain relieving spray on his ankle.  It seems to have worked as Beckham is back in the ring as if nothing ever happened.  The referree has awarded him a free kick against Ronaldinho as a result of the play and so Ronaldinho is standing in front of Beckham with his hands gently cupping his genital area.  Beckham reaches back with his right leg and Bam, a swift kick to the face of Ronaldinho send him flying in a half-moon-ike bending manner.  David really bent that free kick but Ronaldinho seems to be ok.

Our first taste of action in this match and it couldn’t come a moment too soon as the referee has blown the whistle three times signaling the end of the bout.  We’ll have to wait for the official scorecard for this one as I don’t know how to call it.

The scores are in, and in a stunning upset the scorers have scored this as a tie.  The one fan in the ring is hurling bottles at the ring and the riot police are out in full gear trying to quell the situation and prevent a riot.

Well folks, that had to be the most boring match in the history of MMA.  I guess it just goes to show that soccer is not yet to the liking of Americans.  Tune in next week as we will hopefully have a much more interesting bout with actual fans that show up to watch it.  Next week is John McCain versus Barack Obama…..I can’t wait for that one folks.  Good night.