The election nears. The crowds get louder. The attacks get more vicious. White people across the land tune into their local news stations to see what the candidates are saying (as well as to find out what diabolical plot Wal-Mart has for tracking customers, on the Channel 7 News at 10:00 with anchors Thomas Dickhurst and Token Minority Woman). The messages are clear.
At the risk of being called an “Obamaphile,” I have to admit that it seems like he’s getting called some pretty nasty secret names (full disclosure: I only have 3 Obama bumper stickers on my car). I’ve heard people from both parties call him “the black.” He’s a “terrorist,” “an Arab” (which shouldn’t be a slur, but out of some people’s mouths, it sure sounds like one), “an extremist,” “a domestic terrorist,” “a community organizer,” and “that one,” depending on who you talk to. I’ve heard less veiled labels, too, but I can’t bring myself to write them, so I’ll leave them to your imagination.
What it all seems to come down to, contrary to what the pundits are saying, is that white people hate “them.” Some of the mainstream liberal media elite claim it’s racism. Oooh, white people are talking code about hating black people. Or, oooh, white people are afraid of retribution from “the blacks.” Or, omg, white people’s bones are hollow. The crazy mainstream liberal media elite are just making things up.
White people don’t hate black people. White people hate “them.” White people hate black people, brown people, yellow people, red people, and any other color people. White people hate illegal immigrants, but they also hate rising food costs associated with paying legal workers to pick produce. White people hate Iraq, but they also hate Iran. White people hate soccer, and white people hate people who hate soccer.
Basically, white people are the smartest people alive. They’ve devised a category, “them,” into which any offending group can be put. Some groups are occasionally removed (the Irish, for example), but mostly people are just put in the “them” category. That way, white people can hate “them” without having to worry too much about figuring out the complicated nature of relationships between “thems” that get in the way of hating things. Basically, “them” clears up a clusterfuck. And thank God. White people love God, God hates them, and therefore, white people can comfortably hate “them,” too.
