July 4th.

July 4th comes around every year without comment. No fanfare, no fireworks, and no Hallmark reminders of why whitey is great. White people kicked Britain’s ass over 200 years ago. White people built out of sweat and toil a land unfettered by dirty Injuns and free Africans. White people erected on this virgin land a teeming metropolis of greed and Jesus-laden intolerance. And goddammit, we want a holiday to commemorate all the things white people have struggled to maintain over the years. We want the 4th of July. The 4th of July stands in stark contrast to July 4th, what with the reverse order and extra proposition. July 4th mocks white people, virtually demanding that they share the day with all other people on the planet, no matter how non-white they may be. The 4th of July on the other hand stands for whitey, stands for love of country without question, stands for a day off work. The 4th of July means beer, barbeque, and baseball. It stands for half-dressed women without accents, children with deformed and missing limbs, and the occasional forest fire. The 4th of July stands proudly for whitey, and whitey stands proudly for the Star Spangled Banner. July 4th, on the other hand, stands only as a placeholder between boring old July 3rd and July 5th. So this year, when some limey wishes you, whitey, a happy July 4th, you tell him to cram it up his ass, cuz white people hate July 4th.