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Jim: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I’m Jim Black and along side me is my colleague Bob White. Welcome to tonight’s exciting battle between 15-time olympic gold medalist Michael “Sweet Butterfly” Phelps and the world’s fastest man (and multi-time olympic gold medalist) Usain “Lightening” Bolt. The fighters appear ready to begin and “ding” there goes the bell. Phelps starts off looking very agile as he is dancing around the ring and delivering hard freestyle blows to the back of Usain Bolt’s head.

Bob: Wow, what a combination, Usain Bolt appears a bit slow today as he is still trying to position his feet into the starting blocks.

Jim: Right you are Bob, Bolt’s gold satin shoes appear to be giving him some trouble and Phelps is really taking advantage. Another “butterfly” smack down by Phelps and Usain Bolt has really got to be feeling that now. Wait a minute, wait a minute, the referees have stopped the fight for a moment and are discussing something…….holy cow, are the referees signaling that there was a false start? Yes, the referees have signaled that Phelps came off the line early. The fighters will have to restart the bout. Wow! That could be a huge blow to Phelps. He expended a lot of energy in that first bit and he appears to have worn himself out while Bolt appears fresh.

Jim: Agreed 100% Bob, Bolt looks as if this is all too easy for him. He looks extremely calm and well rested while Phelps is huffing and puffing at the moment. “Ding” there goes the restart and it looks like both fighters got off clean. Bolt is running circles around Phelps and appears to have him locked in a daze.

Bob: Uh oh…..this is not looking good for the Phelps camp!

Jim: Bolt is pouncing on Phelps. Kick after kick to the head and OH MY, Phelps is down, Bolt has him in the submission position and appears to be prepping to deliver his Lightening Pounce onto Michael. OH MY, what is happening? Former US Women’s Gymnastics coach Bella Karoly has entered the ring from the stands and is complaining to officials that they are cheating. Bella looks ready to cry and it really seems to be striking a chord with referee Redneck Thompson.

Bob: This is UNBELIEVABLE! In all my years I have never seen anything quite like this.

Jim: And now Redneck is signaling to stop the fight! The referee has signaled to stop the fight! He is saying something to Usain Bolt and now Bolt is livid, he is being restrained from going after Redneck by his coach, 14 year old Chinese Gymnast Kexin He. The crowd is going crazy as Bella pulls out a a dime sack of Jamaican weed with Usain Bolt’s name written on it in. It appears that Bolt has been disqualified for use of illegal substances.

Bob: Wow! Michael Phelps has stretched out his arms and grabbed the victory away from Usain Bolt by the mere tips of his fingers. What a finish and one that is sure to be questioned for years to come.

Jim: Well, there you have it. Chalk one questionable win up for Whitey as Phelps takes the bout. Thanks for joining us tonight and tune in next week as Miley Cyrus squares off against arch rival Selena Gomez in what is sure to be an exciting match.

*”Would Honkey Win?” is a special five part feature here at ThingsWhitePeopleHate.com that pits celebrities against each other in a fictional MMA Fight Extravaganza.  Form more, clickon the “Special Features” tab at the top of the page or click here to read the recaps of past MMA battles.