Pussies Who Break World Records

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for world records getting broken, but seriously, what the shit is happening in this world. First you’ve got Barry Bonds destroying any sane person’s belief in a home run record, and now you’ve got some f’ing kid with obvious Down Syndrome wearing a damn suit that vaporizes water on contact and sends it into another dimension or some shit??? Of course he’s gonna break records people… HE’S SWIMMING THROUGH THE GOD DAMNED AIR!

Call me old fashioned but in my view, when a world record gets broken I want to see 16 judges spend 4 days pouring over milliseconds of tape just to see if some schmuck actually ran the ¼ mile .00007 seconds faster than some other silly bastard did 112 years ago. Again, call me old fashioned, but I don’t like it when pussies with “extra help” break world records. Especially when those pussies are Olympic swimmers and I gotta hear about it from every douche bag I talk to about anything, ever.

Get over it, already! I got more respect for Takeru “Tsunami” Kobayashi than I do Michael Phelps…. now his is a record worth talking about.