Things People Hate » Barrack Obama

Barack Obama Sworn in as President

Celebrity Hater — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 17:47:49 +0000

In what was one of the proudest and most emotion filled moments of not only my life, but of the life of the United States of America, Barack Obama took the oath to become the 44th President of the United States on this cold but sunny day in the United States capital. The inauguration ceremony was witnessed by millions of people in person, and likely hundreds of millions via television and the internet all around the world. The swearing in of an African American as President of the United States is righteous event in and of itself. This fact is not in doubt, but the swearing in of a man who appears to have a philosophy of even mind and shared path at a time where the world appears to be on the brink of falling into isolationism and regression is what is most powerful about today’s events. Barack Obama has a flair for international cooperation and experience. Having lived in foreign countries and being born from the relationship of an African immigrant and an American optimist makes Barack Obama the perfect individual to deal with the troubles that are caused by the expansionist dreams of our cohabitants on this earth. Common good was the theme of President Obama’s speech, it is that which will define his presidency and that which will allow the world to grow up together, as opposed to grow up at the expense of one another. May all the luck one can wish be bestowed on the United States this day.

World Political Leaders

Celebrity Hater — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 07:05:27 +0000

Georgey Porgey

Hu Who? Hu! Who? Jintao

Jim: Good evening ladies and gentlemen, once again I’m Jim Black and along side me is my colleague Bob White. Welcome to the third “Will Honkey Win?” event, featuring a battle between the world’s two top dogs President George W. Bush and Hu Jintao.

Bob: George versus who?

Jim: Hu.

Bob: Who?

Jim: Hu. Hu Jintao

Bob: I don’t now who Jintao is that is why I was asking you.

Jim: No! Hu! Hu is his first name, Hu Jintao.

Bob: Man, don’t get all sensitive about it Jimbo, if you don’t want to tell me who Jintao is just say so.

Jim: Eat a dick Bob, eat a dick. Moving right along, the two leaders appear ready to begin battling and “ding” there goes the bell. George starts off by deploying 120,000 unarmed troops into Hu’s corner without clear instructions, proper equipment or any possible way of winning.

Bob: This guy, will he ever learn? Its like a broken record.

Jim: Right you are dick nose. George has sent in his troops and off he goes to Camp David for vacation number 23. He should be back in a few weeks. Meanwhile, the troops are doing their best but Hu Jintao has begun to dazzle them with a myriad of bombs and artillery fire which no doubt is some sort of CGI trick he’s concocted to make the world think his army is strong. The troops seem to be buying it and they have started to duck for cover.

Bob: I am so confuzed right now. Between not knowing who Jintao is and not knowing what the US troop strategy is, this seems like a bad Lifetime movie to me.

Jim: The CGI has subsided and the troops are being brought home as Barrack Obama has jumped into the ring in George Bush’s stead. Oops, here comes Georgey, back from vacation. George is in the middle of the Octagon and he appears to be lost. He is looking over his shoulder but Dick Cheney is nowhere to be found.

Bob: He’s like a puppet without a string out there Jim. That Jintao guy is really taking it to him…whoever he is.

Jim: Right you are moron, Hu is taking it to him. He’s grabbed a bag full of bootlegged DVD’s and he is slashing them at George as if they were ninja stars. Hu appears to be tiring out there though. No doubt the ridiculous pollution he breaths every day has taken a toll on his lungs.

Bob: Jintao may be tiring but George W’ appears to have no chance. He’s begun to weep like a little boy without his father to take care of him.

Jim: You may have it right this time Bob, George appears done. He appears to be stalling somewhat as if he is just biding time for someone else to inherit the overly burdensome situation he has created for the USA in this match.

Bob: The crowd now appears to be asking the same question I was Jim as they have begun to chant “Who…Who…Who.”

Jim: They’re not asking a question, they are cheering for Hu you idiot. Jesus Christ I can’t work under these conditions, its like talking to a monkey. Whoa my! George just took a lethal shot to the brow from Hu Jintao. His head is split right open and he is down for the count. Ding! Ding! Ding! There goes the bell, Hu has taken this by TKO. In a strange scene the entire crowd, both Chinese and American, appear overjoyed. Champagne is popping and the crowd is partying like its January 1, 2009.

Bob: Yes sir, it appears that everyone, no matter the nationality, has been anxiously awaiting this moment. Bye bye George W and hello new found hope for the world.

Jim: Well, we are out of time folks, its been a long eight years and George’s time is up. Tune in next week for a battle of the world’s best soccer players. Until next week, good night and godspeed.

*”Would Honkey Win?” is a special five part feature here at ThingsWhitePeopleHate.com that pits celebrities against each other in a fictional MMA Fight Extravaganza. Form more, clickon the “Special Features” tab at the top of the page or click here to read the recaps of past MMA battles.

The BET.

Big Red — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 10:44:39 +0000

There are many reasons you’ll hear as to why White people hate Black Entertainment Television (BET), but only one of them is true. Rest assured it’s not because of the lack of white people in the programming, or even the presence of black people on television. No, it’s much simpler than that: You see, white people want to see black people as they actually are – like Barack Obama, not all those fakeys with their big ol’ rims.

White People Hate Hillary Clinton.

Celebrity Hater — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 21:46:01 +0000

Huh? You may find yourself asking “how can that be? ” She’s a white lady running for president, white people gotta love her. Well my friends, I say you are not looking at the big picture. WhitePeopleHate Hillary Clinton for two reasons:

If you like her, people will think you are a racist. White people must be Barack Obama supporters or they are just simply racist. I mean, seriously, how could you not like that good looking and well spoken man?
She’s a blonde white chick. WhitePeopleHate blonde white chicks. Blonde White chicks hate other blonde white chicks because they are prettier than they are. Non-blonde white chicks hate blonde white chicks because they are needy and prissy. And white guys hate blonde white chicks because black guys dig em….and that makes whitey nervous.