Deliciously Smooth Beers

It’s early morning on a Friday, and you are stuck in a cubicle counting down the hours in seconds until you can leave this dreadful place. Unfortunately, the seconds are still in the hundred thousands – so there is absolutely no way you’ll leave work in the near future. Why not crack open a brew?

TPH Presents: The Deliciously Smooth Beer Drinking Game. Down one of these beers every half-hour and you’ll be good to go.

No BONUS points for officially becoming an alcohol, hint, someone who cracks open their first beer before noon.

DISCLAIMER: Things People Hate takes no responsibility for losing your job due to drinking on site. It’s your own fault you play drinking games while on the clock!

Budweiser

Okay, I know what you are thinking…How the hell can you include Budweiser on a “Deliciously Smooth Beer” list? My answer? It’s actually not that bad. Plus, Bud is cheap enough to count for a good value while guaranting a strong, dependable taste that is all-America. Still not sold? Budweiser is the highest selling beer in the world.

Red Stripe

LCD-laced marijuana is not the only quality “crossover” product the Jamaicans produce. Red Stripe is rasta, reggae, and entirely smooth (not to mention the sweetest beer bottle in the industry). I’m still conducting secret experiments to find out if this stuff is laced with weed. I’ll let you know.

Smithwicks

Smithwicks is Ireland’s most popular beer so you know it’s good. Seriously, the Irish know how to drink so you have to trust their…uh…judgement on this one. Interesting enough, when pronouncing Smithwicks, you completely ignore the “W.” Leading many to pronounce the beer as “Smithicks,” “Smitticks,” ”Smidicks,” or ”George Duba Bush” (a popular joke with the liberals).

Foster’s

Despite making some truly awesome commercials, Foster’s is the biggest poser in the beer world. Why? Despite enormous success around the globe, the beer remains rather unpopular in its native country. This beer is great to guzzle along with a fat, juicy steak.

Corona

Corona is one of those beers that tastes great after one, but God awful after…say…10. Corona has the distinct label of being “the beer for Summer.” Made popular by surfers in Southern California, the beer is quite tasty and perfect with a lime on top.

Victory

Will all the Pale Ale fans please stand up!

…I can’t tell if anyone is standing up (I’m starring at my computer screen after all). Victory is for all you Pale Ale fans. Their Hop Devil beer gives you quite a Devil of a time. You may, at some point in the evening, end up outside in your underwear humping a trashcan.

Paulaner

Not recommended to order after you’ve had a few, Paulaner may be a little tough to say but at least it’s not Smidicks. Paulaner is the highest ranking wheat beer beer in the world. It comes packed with an amazing orange flavor. Yummy!

Newcastle Brown

Newcastle Brown never gets the due it once deserved, but back in the 80′s (yes, before I was born AND of legal drinking age), Newcastle was the king of advertising. Behind such brilliant slogans as “Newcastle Brown, I’m tellin’ you, it can sure smack you down.” The beer is often just refered to as “Dog” in its hometown, which of course, allows such valuable excuses as “I’m going to walk the dog,” “I’m going to see a man about the dog,” or my personal favorite (I just made this up)…”I’m gona put the dog down” (not recommended for animal lovers).

Samuel Adams

Sam Adams is one of my personal favorites as I often ask, “How can you not support one of our founding fathers?” Adams pounds out microbrew taste at a macrobrew rate which always makes this guy happy. Adams is also a very proud guy, often not afraid to point out one of their many awards during an ad.

Westvleteren

At this moment in time, people are going What????

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present a beer only alcoholics can truly appreciate. Westvleteren is so coveted, it’s truly harder to infititrate when compared to the Italian mob. You can only purchase the beer, at get this, a monastery. You must call ahead and only one case is available for reservation per car. A beer that hard to get your hands on must be great, right?

Honorable Mention (yes, because beer deserves it)

Sierra Nevada: All in one great taste, that would crack most people’s Top 10.
Guinness: Hate it or Love it, this beer is like Kobe Bryant.
Sam Smith’s: Plain name with old school labels that is sold in four packs??? Why the hell would you want that?
Rogue: O.G. of the “micro-brew” and notorious for the “Dead Guy Ale.”