Thankful for What We Hate

Today is the day of thanksgiving, so I see no reason why it’s not entirely appropriate to remember what we hate. So many places, people, and things – yet so little of time. Here are TPH’s Top 10 (with a male, 18-30 emphasis):

Beer Guts

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beer guts suck, yet like the H1N1 swine flu they are inevitable to someday take over the world (metaphor courtesy of MSNBC). Let’s face it, unless you are health freak (one who works out one or more times a week) and eat healthy (meaning you avoid anything that tastes good) you decrease your odds of a beer gut by 70-80%. If you do neither of the above, you’re percentage of beer gut likelihood is 100%. We hate them, but later on learn to embrace beer guts as nifty TV trays or bass drums.

Liberals

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you are in the minority (as evident from the past presidential election), you hate liberals. Fox News is your friend, and a very “legitimate” and “fair” news source. You strongly believe that Barack Obama is the anti-Christ. The current health care reform has drove you to attend such things as “tea parties” and “public hearings on health care.” You most likely live in the states of Texas, Wyoming, Montana, Nebraska, or the states in the south.

Hollywood

 

 

 

 

 

 

Some people may hate celebrities because they have everything we always wanted and still are unhappy. Others just may not agree with the incredible amounts of greed, pride, envy, and horrible movies this sector of the U.S. produces every year. No matter your angle, Hollywood, despite the past trend of thinking, is a place we love to hate. We hate actors who tell you to recycle your soda and drive hybrids while they sulk in million dollar mansions. We love to hate those who are especially down in the dumps and can’t catch a break. The basic formula is this: if you have a lot of money and media attention, we’re gona straight up hate your ass.

“Mondays”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mondays suck. No one likes them, yet one guy or girl always has to crack a joke about a Monday, every single Monday. Damn, did anyone notice how many times I said “Monday” in that last sentence? Monday is always a great day to call in sick, but you’re Tuesday will thus become a Monday x2. Yes, I know what you’re thinking. Monday’s are a very twisted and heartless day. Thankfully, Thanksgiving also does not fall on a Monday. I beg to differ with anyone who merely thinks that is a coincidence.

People Who Talk in Theaters

 

 

 

 

 
The whole point of going to see a movie is to sit in silence for two hours and watch a really good film or at least persuade your girlfriend into giving you a (censored for the family audience). People who talk in theaters are just above Satan yet not as bad as “404, not found” when searching for the Carmen Electra sex tape. People who talk in theaters will talk for a number of reasons and none of them are constructive. With the price of admission now close to $10 after dark, I can guarantee one of these people will get assaulted in the near future for “taking the call.”

Outspoken Professional Athletes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A lot of people hated Muhammad Ali while he boxed because the man called it like it was. Today, Ali is a rather beloved individual battling the horrific Parkinson’s disease and another kind of sickness has spread across professional sports. Superstar athletes with a platform to say something (Tiger Woods, LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, etc) instead elect to state the obvious and ring off a collection of cliches. For those athletes who do speak up (a la Latrell Spreewell, Allen Iverson, etc) often do so only to complain about playing time or money. Kids need athletes who they can respect both on and off the field. If you can shoot a basketball better than anyone else, good for you. But please attempt to say at least one intelligent (and grammatically correct) statement off it. Then we can really hate you!

Conservatives

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you hate Bill O’Reilly and believe Sarah Palin is the anti-Christ, you my friend are either Bill Mahr or a liberal. Bill Mahr’s live in California, Washington, New York, and many of the other Eastern states. Liberals roam throughout the remainder of the United States. You believe MSNBC is a “legit” and “fair” news source. You also more than likely believe religion is a fable (aka Bill Mahr) or you simply think you are making a substantial difference in the world by recycling (aka Al Gore).

Bosses

 

 

 

 

 

It’s time to drop the act for a moment (I’m talkin’ to you brown nose) and get real with TPH. No one likes their boss. Everyone thinks they can do a better job when compared to a pencil pushing, suspender wearing, money hungry, slowly balding boss. If you’re too old, people think “you’ve lost a step with today’s market.” Too young? “That little prick doesn’t know anything.” If you’re too tough “you’re a Nazi”; too easy and “you’re a pushover.” Bosses, while few good one’s exist, really have a tough job. Don’t think so? Try steping into their shoes for a day pal.

Running out of T.P.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No, T.P. does not stand for Tom (Pathetic) Cruise (although we do wish we could get rid of him), but rather your favorite cleaner upper. Toilet paper is highly cherished, yet never gets any love. That is until of course, you run out of toilet paper. T.P. in a sense, is like an offensive lineman. You never notice them until they do something wrong. They will also protect your back side.

Note: I included this “hate” item while sitting on the john with my laptop, working on this very story. Needless to say, I now have a very dirty laptop.

Terrorists

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unless you are Ward Churchill or Sean Penn, you were more than a little upset after the recent attack on Fort Hood and other attacks on this great nation (both terrorist and non-terrorist) that jeopardize our way of life. Terrorists are insecure party poopers who were likely brainwashed at an early age and convinced that they must destroy America. Today, you get “heroes” strapping bombs to their bodies and walking into a public market. To quote George Bush, “terrorists suck.”

In all seriousness, we may not hate many things, but one thing we should all agree on is the severity of terrorism and our need to constantly protect our freedom and rights. Thank you to all our soldiers fighting for our very rights on this very Thanksgiving. We thank you for your sacrifice.

To quote the great Rob Riggle, “USA! USA! USA!”