The Ten Scariest People of 2009

Halloween is here and that means it’s time to scare and be scared. To celebrate the season of ghosts, goblins, and ghouls we’ve compiled a list of the Ten Scariest People of 2009. It’s a list that is sure to send shivers up and down your spine.

For this compilation we stayed away from murders, rapists, kidnappers, and current members of the United States Congress. Instead, we focused on celebrities, newsmakers, and community activists that have adorned the headlines in 2009 and sacred us with their effrontery, audacity, and ability to prescribe large quantities of sedatives.

The 10 people on this list are so scary we suggest you read this article with the lights on.

Conrad Murray
The death of Michael Jackson is one of the biggest stories of 2009 and a central figure in this tragic tale is cardiologist, and the King of Pop’s personal physician, Conrad Murray.

Remember the Los Angeles County Coroner ruled Jackson’s death a homicide. That’s because they discovered Murray gave him a dose of 25 milligrams of the prescription sedative propofol–a powerful anesthetic doctors give patients prior to surgery. That’s like amputating a finger to treat a hangnail.

Talk about your death panels, with scary medical care like this who needs a public option?

Law enforcement is currently investigating Murray but so far no charges have been filed. Regardless, Murray is one scary doctor. If he tells you to take two of these and call him in the morning, don’t do it!

Richard Heene
You know what’s scary?

What’s scary is the willingness to lie about your son being in mortal danger in order to get your own reality show. That’s exactly what Richard Heene did when he and wife, Mayumi, orchestrated the balloon boy hoax.

What’s even scarier than Heene’s soul crushing need for attention is his stupidity. Did he really think no one would question his son Falcon floating half way across Colorado in a homemade tinfoil balloon?

Some believe this frightening hoax makes the Heene’s even better candidates to have their own reality show. Now, that would be truly frightening.

Roman Polanski
Roman Polanski isn’t nearly as scary as he was 30 years ago when he raped a 13-year old girl. However, Polanski frightens us in 2009 for the evil he brings out in others.

The slew of Hollywood elites that have flocked to Polanski’s defense is nothing short of blood-curdling. How any decent human being could come to the aid of this monster is beyond us.

Woody Allen, Martin Scorsese, David Lynch, and dozens more within the film industry signed a petition demanding Polanski’s release.

Hollywood’s ability to ignore evil is enough to make one scream in horror. However, this ordeal has done one thing, it’s reminded us that Hollywood is truly and thoroughly morally bankrupt.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is scary in any year–he despises the West, he denies the Holocaust, and he wants Israel wiped off the map.

In 2009, the West was mortified when Ahmadinejad won reelection as President of Iran. Claims of election fraud were rampant and over 70 people died protesting the results.

If that wasn’t bad enough, this scary leader wants a nuclear bomb. On September 21st, Iran announced that they are constructing a second enrichment facility. I believe the term for that is “yikes.”

We don’t want to frighten you but we think Ahmadinejad will start World War III either late 2010 or early 2011. Like Alfred said in The Dark Knight, some Iranian leaders just like to see the world burn.

Kanye West
Kanye West is having a scary year.

In September, he interrupted Taylor Swift during her acceptance speech at the hallowed MTV Video Music Awards. Despite the fact that he was right to claim Beyonce should have won, and despite the fact it’s the stupid MTV Video Music Awards, he was universally derided as a douche bag and the President of the United States called him a “jackass.”

The next night, on the premiere of the Jay Leno Show, Leno subtly dressed Kanye down by asking him what his deceased mother would have thought of his antics. West had to fight back tears.

West followed that up by canceling his tour with Lady Gaga. Then he was at the center of an internet rumor claiming he had died in a car crash.

Swift hosts Saturday Night Live on Nov. 7 and rumors are swirling that Kanye will make an appearance. We doubt he will, but if he does expect that episode of SNL to be scary too.

Rod Blagojevich
Rod Blagojevich’s hair is always scary, but in 2009 the former governor of Illinois was haunting America with his indomitable ability not to go away.

Blagojevich was removed from office on Jan. 29 and indicted on federal corruption charges in April.

Days before his removal from office, the coiffed-one appeared on Today, Good Morning America, The Early Show, The View, multiple programs on Fox News Channel, CNN and MSNBC.

He wanted to appear on NBC’s I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! but a judge denied his request to travel to Costa Rica. His wife took his place instead.

In June, he starred in The Second City musical called “Rod Blagojevich Superstar.” And in mid-October insiders reported that he would be a contestant on the next season of Celebrity Apprentice.

Blagojevich is a corrupt politician facing charges of conspiracy to commit mail and wire fraud and solicitation of bribery. Yet, instead of slinking away with his hairpiece between his legs, he’s turned his disgrace into celebrity.

What’s more frightening, the fact that he tried to sell Barack Obama’s vacated U.S. Senate seat to the highest bidder or the fact that he’s a probably a year away from being a contestant on Dancing With The Stars?

David Letterman
Extortion is scary. So we can only imagine how scared David Letterman was when a producer of CBS’ 48 Hours tried to extort him for $2 million by threatening to reveal his numerous illicit liaisons with his employees of the female persuasions.

Letterman did the right thing though and contacted officials. He fully cooperated in having the alleged extortionist, Robert J. “Joe” Halderman, arrested.

Then things got really scary.

On October 1st, Letterman revealed his affairs on the Late Show and was greeted with laughs. He was actually making a joke of his adulterous affairs and the audience found it funny. How scary is that?

He said something about doing what he had to do to protect his family from this big, bad extortionist. Which begs the question: if you really wanted to protect your family why were you boinking interns?

We don’t know which is scarier, being a woman and working for Letterman or the rate at which he has gone from television pioneer to a television pinhead?

Megan Fox
Some of you might say if Megan Fox is scary than she can scare me all night long. She can scare me hard all night long. She can scare me long and hard all night long…

…But I digress.

Fox’s initial terror factor isn’t as high as some on this list, but the 23-year old actress (and we use that term lightly) is definitely the most insidious ghoul amongst our terrifying ten.

Perhaps no celebrity in America is perceived to be as vapid, as superficial and as injudicious as Fox. Yet, despite of all that she’s still one of the biggest stars in Hollywood.

One needs to look no further than her performances in the insipid Transformer movies. This summer the second film in the franchise, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, was the country’s highest grossing film of 2009. That’s a scary sign for American cinema. Because like Fox, Transformer films are loud, stupid and pure eye candy.

After being over exposed in promoting the film, and after appearing on the cover of seven magazines in 2009, several men’s websites boycotted her by “Going a Day Without Megan Fox.” She also made headlines via her bisexuality, haranguing Transformers director Michael Bay, and claiming she can’t stand the site of her beautiful, luscious image.

Fox suffers from being drop-dead gorgeous and having no ability to edit what she says. Yet, she’s made a few comments that have led some to believe she’s not crazy but crazy like a fox. Either way, Megan Fox is one spooky hot chick.

ACORN
Are you a whore? Are you a Pimp? Do you need help in getting a home loan? Well if you do come on down to your local ACORN office because they understand that pimpin’ ain’t easy.

We joke, but the corruption permeating the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now , better known as ACORN, is anything but funny. In fact, it’s downright scary. After all, they are funded with our tax dollars.

ACORN and its workers were caught on video tape giving advice to a prostitute and a pimp and not just in one location but in six different offices in four different states.

Also, ACORN employees weren’t just helping a whore and a pimp get a home loan, they were consulting them on how to smuggle underage girls into the country so they could turn tricks. That’s not just criminal, that’s evil.

So what news organization uncovered this terrifying scandal? Was it the New York Times? Was it the Washington Post? Was It CNN? No, it was a couple of 20-somethings, journalism student Hannah Giles and filmmaker James O’Keefe.

Thanks mainstream media for being completely useless.

Van Jones
Van Jones was officially the Special Advisor for Green Jobs, Enterprise and Innovation at the White House Council on Environmental Quality (CEQ) in the United States. He was colloquially known as President Obama’s Green Jobs Czar.

Jones resigned from that “position” on Sept. 5 amidst a fire storm of controversy and criticism.

So what’s really scary about Jones? Was it the fact that he signed a 9-11 Truth petition? As bad as that sounds, no.

Was it the fact that he called Republicans “assholes?” No, MSNBC does that every night.

Was it the fact that he’s socialist? No, sadly they have already infiltrated the White House.

The real spooky part about Van Jones, who seems to show more hatred towards America than reverence, is now that he’s no longer a part of the Obama Administration we can’t keep track of him.

Who knows how he’s advising the White House now (cue spooky music and demonic laugh).